My Mind is Restless

 

My mind is restless

The simmering frustration and anger is always bubbling below the surface.  Can I ever accept he is dead and gone forever?  If I felt he slipped away into the sea maybe I could live with that but then the other rumor and speculation takes precedence, it must.  We cannot discount those who come forward ardent with another theory of murder.  Life has been one long roller coaster since Damien Vanished.

Thinking all day and my mind does somersaults.  I need to write down the thoughts as they roll by and make some sense of them.  

Keep them somewhere so that I can go back and read them.  The turmoil is very real and there is no peace.  There is no hope.  It is a false hope. That tiny feeling of a glimmer of hope is significant enough to keep me on this road.  But I don’t believe I will get my boy back.  But it does happen for others, so maybe for us. That is all the hope I have, and it is not much to hang my hat on. 

I walk this very lonely road alone.  Others can leave it and return to it when they feel they can.  I can step away but it is always on my mind.  Niggling at my brain.  What if.  Maybe this.  What can I do?  What is there left to hope for. Should I walk away? Can I do some good?