Saturday, January 20, 2018

Brain Cloud

This thing between my ears is called my brain. It is what scientists liken to a computer in our head that processes and stores information Ad infinitum which means again and again.  I know this why?? I googled it:

‘Ad infinitum definition, to infinity; endlessly; without limit.’ 

I think of my brain as my iCloud and my iCloud is out of storage space. Where the heck do I get extra storage for my brain??  At my age and after the last lunatic 21 years I feel I have reached capacity. No room, out of space.  Hence with age and limited capacity in the brain cells I am stressed to the max and I don’t always suffer fools gladly.  I misplace my glasses numerous times last week – they were on my head.  I lost my keys that I just put down, but where did I put them?  I lost my iPhone at the gym – the anxiety was physical almost like that of losing Damien – what would I do without it? (not really – nothing can compare to losing Damien.)  I would gladly lose the phone and find the son.  But the odds are stacked against me in finding Damien.

This happens a lot. I feel totally overwhelmed with all aspects of Damien’s case which is sitting up on the dirty cold case shelf being studiously ignored by police in some forgotten place.  I have reports and reports to read then I have reports ‘of’ reports…… and then I have more reports (all churned out on tax payers money) - about an investigation that failed in numerous ways. Police speak - trying to justify the failures and learning from mistakes and things are better now.  No, they are not better, not when you look at some of the recent cases.  21 years they learned little and failed to put that knowledge gained to use by ensuring it doesn’t happen again.  But it does, again and again. Especially when young lads go missing. 

I need to step back and take stock but my brain, bless it, wants to alleviate some of the storage space issues by allowing me to type the words here into a blog.  I have to understand and accept that the lunacy I have experienced in this journey and continue to experience while working with police has always and continues to be abysmal.  It has been an eye opening shocking disappointment and that despite everything they only seem to get abysmally worse in how they deal with the grieving parent of a missing child.  He is NOT a lost puppy….he is my son. Have a heart and forget the formal anal police speak and reach into your soul and treat us like human beings, especially parents of lost boys.  They have not all run off into the sunset never to be seen again because they are all having a “funny five minutes” as I was told.  I know I am not alone in this experience.  Some may have fared better, but too many feel as I do.  Frustrated and disillusioned and disappointed and despairing.

I fear it is only going to get worse as police funding is cut yet again.  Training and policy will be difficult to improve when nobody seems to care.


I care.  Help me get this petition before the eyes of those who might be able make a difference.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Creating Hope from the darkness

Life as we knew it was cast away from its course into dark and deep waters of despair and confusion.  Dealing with what is known as “ambiguous loss” has been a long journey with many hard lessons learned along the way. Lessons about life and family and what is meaningful anymore.  One thing that has grown out of this darkness and continues to lift us is the light that was and still is Damien.  The joy that he brought.  The good and decent person he had become.  Not perfect but delightfully silly and entertaining.  The joy he brought lives with us still.

It is because of this deep confusion, lessons learnt and continued shining light that keeps me focused on making his loss into something meaningful.  It is because he shines as a beacon of hope and joy and we refuse to let his spirit flicker and die.  We continue to strive to make things better for other missing cases.  We will endeavor to ensure that cases are given full, respectful scrutiny by police and other organizations that are involved in any way.  We want all stones turned and nothing left to chance.
Please help us get the support we need.  The momentum is growing for this idea and we are delighted that this call has been taken up by professionals in their fields who see the value of these ideals.  Please sign our petition and support the call for Damien’s Law and the principals that form the manifesto.