Sunday, November 15, 2020

Fickle

Publicity for my missing son is trade off.  Keeping your loved ones missing case relevant and current is the hope!  On the one hand you get the story back into the news and peoples minds.

It is a mental and physical roller-coaster of emotion every time.   


 

It’s exhausting as I feel myself slide into overdrive, shaking with the heightened adrenaline, jaws chattering out of my control.  I persevere. It’s my chance to have Damien acknowledged. He is still a missing person. After the interview it takes awhile to settle that adrenaline rush and to go over in my mind what was discussed.  Fretting if I got it all out clearly!  Jumping through adrenaline hoops re-living the moments again.

 

I have to believe it will be better to endure the physical distress than not to try again. If the trade off works out then it’s worth the effort. 

 

It is still bitterly disappointing if the media fail to follow through with an article!  

 

One learns to have a thick skin as possible and to expect to be let down.  It cushions the fall. So many times it’s bumped by bigger stories or an editor decided on a whim not to got with it.


Chalk it up to fickleness. 


Sunday, November 1, 2020

Oh Why Not! 💁‍♀️

I don’t want Covid! Jeez!  


I am 68 years old. 

I don’t want Covid!

I am certainly not decrepit,  I am very healthy. But am I vulnerable?  Probably!

But I don’t want Covid!

I will wear a mask in public because I will protect myself a little and show that I will take this seriously to protect other people.  Not to mention, I now am very  aware of other peoples spit levels coming in my direction.  I think that’s enough to remain a masker long after there is a vaccine which will bring this under control.
 
I don’t deserve to die because a few may feel I don’t warrant protecting, old, expendable and “on the way out anyway.”  I/we/elderly have lived a long time to get to this point.  We have paid our dues.  We have seen a lot.  We have faith in recovery.  Society is not crumbling.  Life goes on.  We learned his decades ago.  Life changes.  People change. Governments change and nothing in this world is static.  You do have a say and you do have control.  Live a good life, do the right thing, support and protect each other.  It’s called understanding and empathy.  Its collective cooperative consideration caring and not being bloody selfish!  
 
My life is not your lottery where survival of the fittest seems to be weeding out the weakest.  Especially not when precautions suggested/mandated just might be the way forward!  Setting the example.  Showing solidarity against contaminating more people.

No it’s not going away.  However, I believe there is hope for a vaccine in the our future. Then you can un-mask yourself. We will all on a level playing field after vaccines are given a chance to save even the most vulnerable.  Right now there is no safety net. So let’s all respect that this is a temporary situation.  Make the best of these times and don’t wallow in pity for what you can’t do but be content in the fact you do have a future. 
 
I want to see my grandchildren graduate college and  marry, if that is what they want.  I want to be a great grandmother. 

I want to be around for as long as I can.  Especially because I want to see Damien laid to rest.  I don’t want Covid to ruin that last hope for peace of mind for me and Ed, our family, friends and caring community.  I don’t want to die without providing that one final dignity for my son. 

So, I don’t want Covid and please wear your forking mask and stop the whinging & whining.  It’s not forever.


Saturday, October 31, 2020

Somewhere in England my son remains to be found

Ups and downs are normal in this life of missing Damien.  

Every year, at this time, Nov 2,  I have felt hopeful we will get somewhere as I busied myself with aspects of the case, pushing through the inertia.  It’s devastating to look back and know not enough was done &, perhaps, Damien may have been recovered in whichever way that could be.  There are many cases much older, not ‘cold cases’ and still have active SIO’s assigned.  So many similar cases were featured on Crimewatch, which SIO refused to ask for. I was informed they already had too much information and didn’t need any more.  Damien has been put on ice. Swept under a rug.  In short, the case should have remained a suspected murder, as was classified in 2010/11.  

Somewhere on British soil my son is still waiting to be found.  



Sunday, October 25, 2020

As we approach year 24


In the past year I was on and off anti-depressants.  If they could change the root of my sadness they would be a bloody miracle.  So I am off them and find a clarity in thoughts again.  The only thing that could possibly help is Damien being given back to us in whatever form that might take.  We need to bring him home to rest.  It’s all we ever want.  

I  continue to focus on improving the care & community surrounding the missing issue.

 

I joined Missing People Charity’s advisory group assisting  with  creation of content on a new website which will be launched soon.

 

I have joined several zoom events with the Charity which bring families together during lockdown to feel connected with others who understand.  It’s been a success.   I and other families were invited to assist the Met who are devising online forms for reporting the missing which was an interesting project.

 

I recently spoke to a high ranking officer about the issue and got some great feedback.  I was heard and acknowledge which is all we families need.   The most essential component in these cases is good communication skills between police and family.  Should be simple, right? Not so much!   Some are fortunate to be assigned a case liaison officer but many languish in a suspended state as nothing is being communicated and advice is lacking.  Still in 2020, things can always be improved. 

 

Locate International are working with University criminology students to review Damiens case file information and identify any leads police can progress further.  The report will be sent to Damiens cold case officer for consideration.  So another wait and see game with Hants Constabulary I am sure.

 

There is still a lot to be done and I have continued to push for Damiens Law if only to create an awareness of issues that need improvement.  However, some areas of the manifesto may be redundant and my focus will probably change as we identify which of those issues we can actually cross off the list based on current  improvements taking shape and progressed.  The prospect of a Damiens Law was always a long shot and with the current Covid issues would have very little chance of ever going anywhere.  It doesn’t seem hopeful for a lasting legacy to Damien.

 

My book has sold around 5k in paperback & ebooks.  So not too bad for a first time book.  It’s never going to be a best seller and it wasn’t done for any gain other than to document how we have had to manage the minefield of information that we have to get our family head and hearts around.

 

At the end of the day, almost 24 years on, I feel lost and alone as I look back at the long road we have been treading and the endless horizon ahead. I am okay, it’s not dire it’s just real and it’s sad.  I  am struggling with sounding the out the words of  hope, but I have to confess it’s hollow hope.  Words to help others feel better but the space within my soul is struggling to believe.

 

Anyone who has pertinent information can contact our website

 

www.damiennettles.uk

 

info@locate.international

 

https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/how-we-can-help/116-000.html

 

Or Hampshire Constabulary directly!

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

For Damien

You visit my thoughts every day.  Sometimes in my dreams I see you smiling and for a moment I believe your safe with us again.  With the cruel light of day the vision, & happiness it brought to my weary heart, fades away and the cold reality washes over me.  Your gone.  It’s been a long time.  In my heart you live forever 16.  My hope is one day, in any way we can, we will find you and bring you home. Always and forever in my heart.  Mumx



Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Perception

 It may be difficult to grasp  but….

Why we are still talking about this.  So many people still go missing it’s hard to keep up with it.  Many return fairly soon. But so many don’t. It is very real and sobering. 23 years has passed since our son, Damien, vanished off the face of the earth. Families of recent missing family members look at us in awe and dread.  We (and sadly too many others) are the poster family for what they fear the most.  They could be us in years to come. 

 


It’s assumed we have healed the wounds by now.  Although it will soon be 24 years, in every way,  it is still November 3 1996, the day we found he was gone from our lives.  We calculate life events by the date marker Damien vanished. It is raw but we have learned to function in and around it. The pain still exists.   In our hearts we are desperately waiting to find him again.  We don’t want pity or attention.  We need help from the community to remember him and to give those who might know what did happen the chance to find it in their hearts to tell us.  Or, we pin our hopes on finding his remains.  How perverse to have a need to find your child’s bones?  But it’s reality for us long term families of the missing.  If you can say hope?  That’s what we want.  Our loved one back in the fold.  Respectfully placed at rest.  



 Website:  www.damiennettles.uk 

Author: The Boy Who Disappeared ISBN: 1789460719

Publisher John Blake Books

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