Sunday, September 8, 2013

I look back

and wonder 'could I have done this differently?'  Looking for Damien after he went missing was just a horrible nightmare.  It was and still is awful.  I cannot believe we have endured such a shock and emotional pain and still here to talk about it. It has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.

Have I done everything I can to find Damien?  I think I have done what I can so far.

We are an ordinary family, with ordinary access to do ordinary things and there wasn't and still isn't easy cash available to get home and be more involved in organizing events and being more accessible.  I can do a lot via phone calls and email and social media.  There is no 'manual' handed out to the parents of a missing child. It has been a 'seat of your pants' experience! There was very little help available to us and we had no idea what we were dealing with.   We were totally vulnerable and alone, except for Missing People Helpline, thank god for them or I don't know how I would have coped at all.  They were and still are a fantastic resource and have come much further in recent years with all they offer to families like mine.  

But have I done everything? Have I missed something?

I sometimes think that we are up against a brick wall and that there is nowhere else to go and then something happens and off we go again.  It is like a roller coaster with periods of activity and hope and then periods when all goes quiet.

I never could have anticipated this new reward offer in a million years.  Anonymous businessman willing to offer 10,000 pounds sterling, but here it is and we are hoping that this will bring us some information about where Damien is.  It is not something I could pass up, could you?  So now we are in the phase of the reward being on offer.  If nothing comes from this we still have things to do.  When I say WE I mean me and my family.  We are not willing to say we have exhausted all possibilities yet.

The case was upgraded to murder and arrests and searches made and the police were unable to make any of it stick.  We were aware of the same information over the years being suggested over and over again.  Finally, police decided to act on it and thoroughly investigate that information and it proved interesting but not conclusive enough to convict anyone.  It also brought up new scenario's and new names who were implicated.  In my opinion I think certain people used Damien's name to threaten others that they would suffer a similar fate. This is how some of these individuals came to be implicated.  Some were thugs and petty drug dealers and sofa surfers who drain the lives of others while feeding their own.  Some of it was bad feelings between old enemies who were attempting to implicate someone out of revenge.  Nasty, petty, spiteful, harmful, wicked, evil and manipulative people - and you all know who you are.

There has been a handful of interesting and compelling information come to light that we are still feeling strongly about.  Despite the reluctance of the police to follow those through, we are not conviced that there isnt some truth to what we have been told.  This has nothing to do with anything paranormal.  This is about what I have been told by people who went out of their way to contact me even at their own risk.

I think that at this point some of the "I heard it in a pub" information has been filtered and identified for what it is and has led nowhere. I want to hear it all.   But some of what we know is enough for me to want to clarify it further and leave no stone unturned.  If the police wont - I will - and that's a promise and they can cuff me for it if they need to and lock me up because I WILL find my son with or without them.

It is my opinion that the police know full well that they failed in the very beginning to investigate this case thoroughly, professionally and with the sincerity and severity that it deserved and they did the minimum. What they did was very far from what could have been done to find Damien when they had a better and more realistic opportunity to do so. Consequently, we are all suffering this life of loss and looking and searching and sorrow.  So again in my opinion, they have done a lot in the last two years to help tie up the loose ends from the previous 14 years of neglect, thus hoping to sew up this case neatly to put it all away.  They tell me it will never be a 'closed' case.  But we all know that they wont look at it again, unless Damien's remains are found.

I was hoping by now to have received the results of the latest police review  which began in April this year,  and has been promised to me on several occasions as 'next week' but as of today, September 8, I still have no knowledge of this review or when I will hear or what the outcome might be.  Therefore, I have to assume it is not a positive review and that my police are waiting for the right time to tell me which is not while all eyes are on a reward being offered by an anonymous businessman.  I am just guessing though, again, how would I know what they think?

If this current reward does not give us the answers we seek  then what do we do next?

 What I do know is that I will keep looking for Damien. What else can I do? Giving up is not an option.  A rest and a normal life would be nice.

 But how does one do that when all you see in your head is your beautiful son's lost and lonely soul alone in some limbo waiting for us to find him and bring him home to those who truly love him and who will not rest until he is at rest.

10,000 pounds sterling, no questions asked, no police intrusion, just 10K for the person who can tell us where Damien is.  Email this specifically created email address and if your information is accurate, you will be informed how to retrieve the money.