Monday, July 13, 2020

A Life Sentence

Some days I feel like I am losing it.  The constant mental attention to Damien’s case over the years has been intense. I feel I lost my life when my son disappeared.  It’s a life sentence and I don’t know why.


I am in a tunnel and I don’t know who I am anymore but desperately searching for some light.  It’s not a life, it’s existing.  Anti-depressants don’t take away the situation.  Counseling helps to talk it through but it doesn’t solve the issue.  The issue is I have lost a child and I have no idea how or why.  My grief will be  endless until I find an answer and can begin to heal.  My life is flat. No highs and no lows just treading the flat line in hope, ‘one day we will get answers.’  


I am not alone. Too many others are suffering along with me. My family and friends.  Other families who have a missing person situation in their life suffer similarly.  We all hope somebody somewhere can help is shed light on our loved ones disappearance. 


  1. I truly hope you find the answers that you and your family deserve . It’s not fair that you’ve been hurting for this long , i pray that whoever knows something realises the damage of there silence and comes forwards . You deserve closure . Thinking of you val. x

    1. I live on the Isle of Wight, and will always keep an ear out for any possible information that may come to light one day.

  2. Valerie, I'm not sure if you have come across my name? I would welcome the opportunity for a chat - Caroline Lyons will vouch for me.
    Like you, my son was missing but thankfully we recovered his remains after 13 weeks. During this time all of my family suffered horrendously and now 17 years later, while the pain has filled somewhat it has not gone away.
    I wrote this verse as a means of releasing some of my demons, I hope it resonates with you but please PLEASE never give up hope.

    Dermot Browne

    I’m living
    I’m dying
    Inside I am crying
    I’m up and
    I’m down
    Cant rest ‘til you’re found
    Consumed with rage,
    Feel I’m locked in a cage
    Riven with grief and
    Scared beyond belief
    What happened
    Where are you
    Are you alive
    Are you dead?
    Dark thoughts
    Filling my head.
    So many years lost
    At such a great cost.
    Hearts filled with pain
    ‘til we see you again.

    I’m not giving up
    I’ll never give up
    So much more to do
    I’ve got to find you.
    I’ll search and I’ll pray
    ‘Know you’ll come home some day.
    And while you’re not here
    You’ll always be near

  3. Beautiful Dermot. This is Dermot who runs the National Missing Persons Helpline who I support ��

  4. Only thing that I know to say that can help you is to turn to God. I know that he has all the answers and can help you more than anyone elsewhere ever could. Trust him.He loves and cares for you.

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