For the past couple of days I felt a sense Damien. Its a gut feeling I get about my kids. I felt it this week a couple of times and it was a sense of Damien. Don’t know how else to describe this thing I feel for my children. But out of the blue, I felt him close. Could see him clearly and felt his closeness, like he was thinking of me too. I felt his presence and I felt like I had taken a breath at last.
I lost the feeling of connection to Damien in that intrinsic sense. I always ‘felt’ my kids, even if they were not right with me. I have a ‘sense’ of them. It is not a tangible thing, its impossible to explain, but it is something a parent has. It’s a sense of your children.
When Damien went missing, I felt panic, fear, but beyond that, I felt a sense of him that I could reach out to. I felt his existence. But soon this feeling left me. I couldn’t connect to that feeling and I struggled with the loss of it. The fear of what that means. I lost my focus of Damien. As the years passed, it has, on occasion seemed difficult to find a emotional connection. Its too painful perhaps. Its numb where there was pure joy in the life I brought into this world, watched grow into a funny talented human being and got to know and love.
So for a fleeting couple of moments, he came back into my senses and I felt warmth, happiness and all I could do was to smile and remember his beautiful soul.
I feel we are getting close to the truth and an answer.