Thursday, March 19, 2015

For the past couple of days I felt a sense Damien.  Its a gut feeling I get about my kids.  I felt it this week a couple of times and it was a sense of Damien.  Don’t know how else to describe this thing I feel for my children.  But out of the blue, I felt him close.  Could see him clearly and felt his closeness, like he was thinking of me too.  I felt his presence and I felt like I had taken  a breath at last.  

I  lost the feeling of connection to Damien in that intrinsic sense.  I always ‘felt’ my kids, even if they were not right with me.  I have a ‘sense’ of them.  It is not a tangible thing, its impossible to explain, but it is something a parent has.  It’s a sense of your children.

When Damien went missing, I felt panic, fear, but beyond that, I felt a sense of him that I could reach out to.  I felt his existence.  But soon this feeling left me.  I couldn’t connect to that feeling and I struggled with the loss of it.  The fear of what that means.  I lost my focus of Damien.  As the years passed, it has, on occasion seemed difficult to find a emotional connection.  Its too painful perhaps.  Its numb where there was pure joy in the life I brought into this world, watched grow into a funny talented human being and got to know and love.

So for a fleeting couple of moments, he came back into my senses and I felt warmth, happiness and all I could do was to smile and remember his beautiful soul.

I feel we are getting close to the truth and an answer.

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