The Night I last saw you
You were in good spirits.  I didn’t make a fuss when you walked out to go to your pals house.  It was like any other time you were going to go and hang out with them.  You were eager to go and see your friends who you had not seen for the past week.  You had been away over half term, up to Suffolk, to see a young girl you had met in the summer and who you were very keen on.  So you had arranged to meet and see your friends and catch up before school began again on Monday.  So we spent the day doing family shopping.  You bought guitar stings and a guitar book.  You had a gift certificate from school for doing well on your exams and you bought a book.  You loved your guitars.  They sit in my room now and I look at them and remember your passion for your music.  That afternoon, when you had bought your book, I had for once decided that I would leave you and Dad and your brother James to finish shopping and I would treat myself, so I went to the hairdresser and spent some time and money on me for once.  It was a little luxury.  I didn’t know that while I was spending time at the hairdresser that I missed spending time with you.  I didn’t know.  When I got home it was gone 5pm and I had taken the bus home and walked a fair way to get home.  I was tired.  I didn’t spend much time with you that evening.  I didn’t know you would vanish.  You ate your dinner.  Fish and chips and you asked Daddy to drive you to Chris house.  So off you went with Dad and you stood at the living room door, filling the space with your height, and with your lovely sweet face you smiled and said you were going out.  I asked you to be home at 10.30 pm., which seemed reasonable, but you pleaded to stay out a bit later and I said okay, no later than midnight.  I wasn’t worried or concerned really, you were just going into Cowes like any other night out.  You were very tall, about 6’ 4”.   What was there to worry about.  Obviously I was always aware of the dangers but couldn’t wrap you in cotton wool all your life and had to let you go and trust you.  So off you went smiling and with that lope of yours on your long legs, off you went through the door saying ‘bye Mum, see you later’ and as usual I always said be careful.  I never saw you again Damien.

I regret that evening every day of my life.  I wish I had spent more time with you.  Hugged you and touched your cheek.  Wish I had listened more to stuff you chatted on about.  Wish that I could have been a better parent and been more there for you.  I wish I hadn’t just let you stride out of my life waving innocently  at me with those beautiful eyes twinkling with mischief.  I wish I could have just stopped and listened to that inner voice when I relented and agreed you could come home late.  I wish that I had stuck to my guns and the 10.30 pm curfew.  But I wasn’t paying enough attention you see.  I had wanted to spend a little time just on me doing what I wanted to do.  I failed you because if I had not wanted to relax and have a little me time I might have listened to my inner voice.  I regret that I did not be the parent I should have been and put your safety first by ensuring you were safe.  Dad said he told you when he dropped you off that you should call if you needed a lift home and he would come and get you.  I thought you were okay, safe.  That you would work out if you were staying the night as you often did at your pals house.  I knew you would let me know as you normally would.  I didn’t know you were being murdered while I slept.  Did you cry for me? Did you call for Daddy?  Were you alone and frightened and hurt?  You must have been petrified and alarmed that this was happening to you.  I wish I could have stopped it all happening by being a better mother and making sure you were home in time.  I am so so sorry Damien, my light and my heart.

I wish I had more time with you Damien.  I wish that I had taken more photo's.  My heart is very sad that your no longer here.  We all miss you terribly.  No matter how many years keep rolling by,  we love and miss you as much today as we ever did, if not more.  My heart cries for you every day.  I wish we had more time with youxx 

It's one of those nights

It’s one of those nights…can’t sleep as my mind is turning over the day’s events and wandering back into the past and all things Damien. 

There is a group of volunteers who are digging an area of interest in the hope of finding my son’s remains. 

As I have said in other blogs, the police refuse to look at this area so we are unable to get any help.

Recently a white waxy substance has been found 6’ underground.  When tested in water the substance does not dissolve.  Our concern is that this could be ‘death wax’ or Adipocere, which is commonly found in a site where a body has been for a while.  It is gruesome to think about, but the best hope I have these days is to find what is left of my son.

This find was reported to police, a few weeks ago, but no one has shown up to take a look.  I spoke today to my SIO who informed me that she is trying to “get permission” to be able to test selected items from the dig site as and when we find them.  But they won’t help with the digging.  I was told that if it was Adipocere there would be bones in the vicinity.  My understanding is that there is a large amount of concrete in the vicinity, so how can they remove that without equipment more manpower to know whether there are bones there or not?   With limited or no resources available, we have little chance of getting very far with this endeavor. 

We need this waxy substance evaluated.  It may be nothing but we won’t know unless forensic tests are carried out so unless the police “get permission” we won’t get this accomplished.  I should have asked who must give the police permission to test a waxy Adipocere like substance found in an area where it is rumored that my son was buried. 

Sorry.  But I have to say this.  

I wish my son's case had a thimble full of the resources, dedication and the will, by UK police and the world at large, to solve his disappearance as does the McCann case.  I fully support her parents attempts to do all they can to find their missing child.

I wish the whole world would stop and search for my missing son, Damien.

I am informed, by Hampshire Constabulary, there are 'financial considerations' taken into account before doing further investigations.  Only new leads will he followed up.  The police say case is not closed, but it is most certainly sat on a shelf awaiting some attention.

  

Police pull out a long list of actions on Damien's case BUT it took them over 14 years to start looking into his case seriously and turn it into a SUSPECTED MURDER case.  It was 14 years too late.

Funds are unavailable to search a possible burial site for Damien, in England, on home soil, so the public are digging that area instead.  

When enough is enough. 

Living life in a goldfish bowl is a necessary side effect of being the parent or family member of a missing person.  When did life become so crazy. 

DAMIEN NETTLES IS STILL MISSING -18 Years on November 2, 2014

The police continue to keep this case open.  People ask me why?  All I can say is the police have looked at the statements that have been made and they, like us,  see that there is a pattern.  This has  been corroborated by an ex-police informant, who according officers who dealt with her for years she was always reliable with her information.  The same names and scenario’s crop up over and again from other sources too.  

The initial police inaction was just appalling.  When they finally arrested 8 people it was 14 years too late.  By then, those involved may have had far more to protect like reputations, jobs and hiding the truth from children and loved ones.  Some passed away.  Or was a dead man used to quiet this case?

It has been said that Damien was beaten to death by drug induced thugs who took exception to his presence. Some have suggested he was cut up and fed to pigs.  Others have suggested he was thrown into a lobster cage and left as bait.  Others say it was an accident.  A beating got out of hand and he was killed.  His body was hidden until a grave was prepared.  Those involved are still around I am told.  Someone who worked with felling trees and or road works has been suggested and who were local thugs with ties to drug dealers.

There is a fear on the Isle of Wight in some circles when Damien’s name is mentioned.  Why?  Who is still around that is a threat to anyone who will speak about Damien?

The police say the case is not closed, but it also is not being actively investigated.  They want new information based on facts.  The fact is that the police inaction has made this case drag on for years without any conclusion.  The police lost evidence just a few months after Damien went missing.  That is a fact but they don’t come out and tell anyone that they lost evidence.  There was CCTV of Damien walking along the High Street after he had been to a chip shop.  I asked we look at who else was on the street that night but police had neglected to keep this CCTV film footage safe as evidence, they lost it.  They stop short of telling the public that fact.  Yet I live with this horror because of years of police inaction and shoddy police work.   They won’t spend any more money on Damien’s case and they won’t look for Damien’s body in an area identified by an ex- police informant. 

We are digging in an area of interest ourselves.  We need police help and they steadfastly refuse.  Money is the issue and manpower. They say it’s due to an unreliable witness yet they used to pay her quite happily as an informant for years.  It doesn’t add up.  It’s not a job for private citizens and the police could do something to help but will not.  You will read a long list of actions when police present their press release.  Just be aware, the majority of those actions were 14 years after Damien disappeared……too late.

 If you thought there was a reasonable chance your loved one was buried somewhere…..what would you do?

Those involved, or know who is involved, may close ranks.  I have names.  Blood is thicker than water and on the IW; there is a strong blood tie between families.  We know who you are and we are watching, waiting, and you will be caught.

Confusion

Every day the words crowd my mind

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn.  I am scared.
I am tired.  I don't know where to go.
I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to start.
I don't understand.
I miss my child. How did this happen.
I don't know what to do.  Where do I start.
What do I do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to.  I don't know why.  
I cant do this.  I cant do this. I cant do this.
I need to find him .
Where do I begin.