When enough is enough. 

Living life in a goldfish bowl is a necessary side effect of being the parent or family member of a missing person.  When did life become so crazy. 

DAMIEN NETTLES IS STILL MISSING -18 Years on November 2, 2014

The police continue to keep this case open.  People ask me why?  All I can say is the police have looked at the statements that have been made and they, like us,  see that there is a pattern.  This has  been corroborated by an ex-police informant, who according officers who dealt with her for years she was always reliable with her information.  The same names and scenario’s crop up over and again from other sources too.  

The initial police inaction was just appalling.  When they finally arrested 8 people it was 14 years too late.  By then, those involved may have had far more to protect like reputations, jobs and hiding the truth from children and loved ones.  Some passed away.  Or was a dead man used to quiet this case?

It has been said that Damien was beaten to death by drug induced thugs who took exception to his presence. Some have suggested he was cut up and fed to pigs.  Others have suggested he was thrown into a lobster cage and left as bait.  Others say it was an accident.  A beating got out of hand and he was killed.  His body was hidden until a grave was prepared.  Those involved are still around I am told.  Someone who worked with felling trees and or road works has been suggested and who were local thugs with ties to drug dealers.

There is a fear on the Isle of Wight in some circles when Damien’s name is mentioned.  Why?  Who is still around that is a threat to anyone who will speak about Damien?

The police say the case is not closed, but it also is not being actively investigated.  They want new information based on facts.  The fact is that the police inaction has made this case drag on for years without any conclusion.  The police lost evidence just a few months after Damien went missing.  That is a fact but they don’t come out and tell anyone that they lost evidence.  There was CCTV of Damien walking along the High Street after he had been to a chip shop.  I asked we look at who else was on the street that night but police had neglected to keep this CCTV film footage safe as evidence, they lost it.  They stop short of telling the public that fact.  Yet I live with this horror because of years of police inaction and shoddy police work.   They won’t spend any more money on Damien’s case and they won’t look for Damien’s body in an area identified by an ex- police informant. 

We are digging in an area of interest ourselves.  We need police help and they steadfastly refuse.  Money is the issue and manpower. They say it’s due to an unreliable witness yet they used to pay her quite happily as an informant for years.  It doesn’t add up.  It’s not a job for private citizens and the police could do something to help but will not.  You will read a long list of actions when police present their press release.  Just be aware, the majority of those actions were 14 years after Damien disappeared……too late.

 If you thought there was a reasonable chance your loved one was buried somewhere…..what would you do?

Those involved, or know who is involved, may close ranks.  I have names.  Blood is thicker than water and on the IW; there is a strong blood tie between families.  We know who you are and we are watching, waiting, and you will be caught.

Confusion

Every day the words crowd my mind

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn.  I am scared.
I am tired.  I don't know where to go.
I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to start.
I don't understand.
I miss my child. How did this happen.
I don't know what to do.  Where do I start.
What do I do.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to.  I don't know why.  
I cant do this.  I cant do this. I cant do this.
I need to find him .
Where do I begin.

You Can Never Go Back.....

YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK!        

No matter what the situation is or was you can never go back can you?  Once something has been done, it cannot be undone.  It is just like that isn't it?  That is life and life was stolen from my son.

I look back at the last almost 18 years of my son going missing.  There is nothing I could have done to change what transpired.    I always had an uneasy feeling about Damien’s safety.  He was trusting and he was very gregarious and sometimes his mouth got him into an awkward spot.  He was a good person.   He did not have a malicious bone in his body.  He was just very very silly, with a very good sense of humor.  He just wanted to be liked.  Something happened to Damien and we still don’t know what or why.

We do believe somebody does know and they are watching us carefully to see how much we have learned.  We know.

SO THIS IS FOR YOU

When this bad thing happened to Damien, that you know about, you were young, probably not much older than Damien who was 16 years old, a baby still.  You and others did something that haunts you to this day.  It was really bad.  Sometimes you cry out loud and pull your hair.  You can’t believe it, can you?  But it happened, just like a bad dream, it haunts you. 

You are a parent now.  You have a spouse who trusts you, and you are the world to your family.  Look at their little faces.  They don’t know what you did, do they?  What would they think if they knew?  You know what, don’t you?  But you could never face it could you?  For them to really know you and what your capable of.  Look at your parents who are either oblivious or stupid or, they are covering up for you? Ah!!!  Which is it?  No matter, you know don’t you and you are squirming right now.

You can’t go back.  You were young and with that crowd of idiots who ran riot round the town like they owned it.  They did damage, in many forms.  They were violent and nasty and they hated anything and everything that showed promise.  They wanted to ruin things that others had achieved.  They were mean mongrels.  They were off their heads on drugs.  They didn’t care, did they?  They grew old, got fat, and spawned more of the same kind of lesser human beings.  Some cleaned up and left that past behind under the guise of success, moving on, getting a decent job, getting married, buying a home and aspiring to all those things they used to want to destroy.  They are like you aren’t they?  They grew up and they have something bad to hide.  They get cold when they hear Damien Nettles name, because they know what they did too, don’t they?

Think about it.  You are old now look in the mirror, what do you see?  You might think you can run around the town causing mayhem, upsetting good people, smashing a window or starting a fight or setting fire to the bins as you go.  But you will look stupid now won’t you?  You looked stupid back then.  You’re not the young buck anymore.  Your old, getting fatter, got a family and a job.  Maybe you go to Church .  You can’t go back to that time before you did that thing and start the clock again.  It won’t work, because we are not going to let you rest. 

Ever. 

Fighting My Way Back into Life

After my son went missing, my life fractured. I had to learn to pick up the pieces of my torn soul. Stepping cautiously across the abysses that lay between the new normal and the shocking abnormal.  

Each day for the past 17 years has been an exercise of re-gaining my existence on this earth.  Putting on a good facade and going to work and being a productive person again. Trying to trust life/people again has been a long upward climb.  As time has passed I have become stronger and better at this. 

I could fool anyone who didn’t know my story or struggle. I have never given up on the search for Damien and I have learned to balance work, life & family the best I can while keeping up the profile of my missing son.

But it does not take very much to destroy this fragile framework of  existence and trust.  Some say and think that I am a strong person.  But they don't really see me. Some judge my sorrow as unhappiness, but they don't see me. 

I exist in a state of confusion, loss, helplessness, disbelief, anger,  despair, fierce determination and a fragile hope. 

All I know is this.....my son deserves to be found...Too.

As the mother of a missing child, I think about this issue every day, without fail, and I think of Damien.  I see and hear stories in the media about families like mine with a missing loved one.  We all handle things differently, but also the same.  Especially the emotions and the sadness and the ambiguous loss.  I can never pretend that I understand fully what they are going through as we are all different and our missing loved ones went missing in different circumstances.

What I know is that I had my son, Damien, in my life boy and man.  I nurtured that boy from a baby to a 6' 4" strapping teenager.  I liked very much the human being he turned out to be.  Loving, caring, intelligent and funny.  His life before him, full of promise.   He never got to reach the potential that he could see for himself.

What I know is that after 16 years, he was part of the fabric of our lives.  He was a brother, cousin, nephew, grandson and friend to many - he was dearly loved by all.

What I know is that we spent time with him so losing him was so very hard, impossible to comprehend.  The hole in our lives is just massive. How do you take 16 years of love and caring and suddenly it is gone in the blink of an eye? And, we don't know why. We know nothing and we imagine everything. It is torture.

We have tried the traditional routes appealing to people in power and we have not achieved anything.  I lack the resources to get the attention of politicians.  We tried the Home Office and the advice we received from that department was only what we had already done. Brick wall.  Just what does one have to do?  Because Damien was dual nationality, we even approached the American Embassy, but they did not want to know. We have struggled from day one to get his story out, past the south coast of England where he went missing.   The police were unhelpful from day one. There was a lackluster ambivalent distinct disdain shown to my family in the early days.The investigation has taken massive twists and turns and after lacking any direction for 14 years it was suddenly turned into a murder investigation.

We have appealed to police to get the movements of Damien reconstructed on the national crime program, but that has failed/refused.

We pushed for a reward for many many years and after 16 years they finally put up a reward that lasted 6 months.  Dont get me wrong, we were grateful.  It is a shame it wasnt offered earlier when it mght have done some good and when we originally pleaded for a reward.

My son actually went missing in ENGLAND but  he cannot get the same level of publicity shown to select cases that happened outside the borders of the UK.

Something is very wrong with this picture. But that is just my opinion. I would far prefer to see all our missing focused upon with intensity and with financial support. 





 

I look back

and wonder 'could I have done this differently?'  Looking for Damien after he went missing was just a horrible nightmare.  It was and still is awful.  I cannot believe we have endured such a shock and emotional pain and still here to talk about it. It has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.

Have I done everything I can to find Damien?  I think I have done what I can so far.

We are an ordinary family, with ordinary access to do ordinary things and there wasn't and still isn't easy cash available to get home and be more involved in organizing events and being more accessible.  I can do a lot via phone calls and email and social media.  There is no 'manual' handed out to the parents of a missing child. It has been a 'seat of your pants' experience! There was very little help available to us and we had no idea what we were dealing with.   We were totally vulnerable and alone, except for Missing People Helpline, thank god for them or I don't know how I would have coped at all.  They were and still are a fantastic resource and have come much further in recent years with all they offer to families like mine.  

But have I done everything? Have I missed something?

I sometimes think that we are up against a brick wall and that there is nowhere else to go and then something happens and off we go again.  It is like a roller coaster with periods of activity and hope and then periods when all goes quiet.

I never could have anticipated this new reward offer in a million years.  Anonymous businessman willing to offer 10,000 pounds sterling, but here it is and we are hoping that this will bring us some information about where Damien is.  It is not something I could pass up, could you?  So now we are in the phase of the reward being on offer.  If nothing comes from this we still have things to do.  When I say WE I mean me and my family.  We are not willing to say we have exhausted all possibilities yet.

The case was upgraded to murder and arrests and searches made and the police were unable to make any of it stick.  We were aware of the same information over the years being suggested over and over again.  Finally, police decided to act on it and thoroughly investigate that information and it proved interesting but not conclusive enough to convict anyone.  It also brought up new scenario's and new names who were implicated.  In my opinion I think certain people used Damien's name to threaten others that they would suffer a similar fate. This is how some of these individuals came to be implicated.  Some were thugs and petty drug dealers and sofa surfers who drain the lives of others while feeding their own.  Some of it was bad feelings between old enemies who were attempting to implicate someone out of revenge.  Nasty, petty, spiteful, harmful, wicked, evil and manipulative people - and you all know who you are.

There has been a handful of interesting and compelling information come to light that we are still feeling strongly about.  Despite the reluctance of the police to follow those through, we are not conviced that there isnt some truth to what we have been told.  This has nothing to do with anything paranormal.  This is about what I have been told by people who went out of their way to contact me even at their own risk.

I think that at this point some of the "I heard it in a pub" information has been filtered and identified for what it is and has led nowhere. I want to hear it all.   But some of what we know is enough for me to want to clarify it further and leave no stone unturned.  If the police wont - I will - and that's a promise and they can cuff me for it if they need to and lock me up because I WILL find my son with or without them.

It is my opinion that the police know full well that they failed in the very beginning to investigate this case thoroughly, professionally and with the sincerity and severity that it deserved and they did the minimum. What they did was very far from what could have been done to find Damien when they had a better and more realistic opportunity to do so. Consequently, we are all suffering this life of loss and looking and searching and sorrow.  So again in my opinion, they have done a lot in the last two years to help tie up the loose ends from the previous 14 years of neglect, thus hoping to sew up this case neatly to put it all away.  They tell me it will never be a 'closed' case.  But we all know that they wont look at it again, unless Damien's remains are found.


I was hoping by now to have received the results of the latest police review  which began in April this year,  and has been promised to me on several occasions as 'next week' but as of today, September 8, I still have no knowledge of this review or when I will hear or what the outcome might be.  Therefore, I have to assume it is not a positive review and that my police are waiting for the right time to tell me which is not while all eyes are on a reward being offered by an anonymous businessman.  I am just guessing though, again, how would I know what they think?

If this current reward does not give us the answers we seek  then what do we do next?

 What I do know is that I will keep looking for Damien. What else can I do? Giving up is not an option.  A rest and a normal life would be nice.

 But how does one do that when all you see in your head is your beautiful son's lost and lonely soul alone in some limbo waiting for us to find him and bring him home to those who truly love him and who will not rest until he is at rest.

10,000 pounds sterling, no questions asked, no police intrusion, just 10K for the person who can tell us where Damien is.  Email this specifically created email address and if your information is accurate, you will be informed how to retrieve the money.

 DO THE RIGHT THING AND email:  preciselocation96@yahoo.com