Monday, May 25, 2015

Outwardly calm inwardly screaming

Silently, life moves forward without my lost son.  I am outwardly calm.  I don’t cry anymore, not in a way anyone could see.  It's a silent sob that only I can feel and hear.  It is hard to explain, though parents in my situation will  know exactly what I mean.  Beneath the quiet fa├žade there is turmoil, confusion and an acute feeling of loss.  I hold onto a massive grief tinged with anger, remorse and bitterness.  Outwardly calm inwardly screaming.

Over the years I have learned to cope a little better with the loss.   I never thought I would last a year after my son disappeared off the face of the earth.  With support and encouragement from Missing People, especially in the early days, I felt lifted up by their constant support.  I can't say I am whole again, the pain is still here in my heart, but I can say I am stronger and I than I ever dreamt I could be. I will never give up the search, no matter how that might end.  I want my son back one way or another.