tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40462983348914542982024-03-09T18:48:00.090-08:00Missing Damien blogValerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.comBlogger88125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-62129298417888908892023-12-03T04:49:00.000-08:002023-12-03T06:02:55.565-08:00Manifesting Christmas<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 11pt;">So many good memories live on in my heart from childhood to the moment of writing this. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 11pt;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 11pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx9XBmmHhYQu587LQPAdr0jp-C47V6noGRmuMAYgOKOy7pOyxQMqjeyYIaCT76_gzR_5CbVGoCUqA1G_XvgNtynCnS8TGxTGoV5DfD_VgXmOZsAOTb-l_JaKvIOxMdFPs461aBAJuvwP8r9FVKiYal-bW4H0I3iqZW8GmC32l_T4vZJgZEGoxi7PKdeuTS/s320/IMG_1297.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="320" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjx9XBmmHhYQu587LQPAdr0jp-C47V6noGRmuMAYgOKOy7pOyxQMqjeyYIaCT76_gzR_5CbVGoCUqA1G_XvgNtynCnS8TGxTGoV5DfD_VgXmOZsAOTb-l_JaKvIOxMdFPs461aBAJuvwP8r9FVKiYal-bW4H0I3iqZW8GmC32l_T4vZJgZEGoxi7PKdeuTS/w200-h188/IMG_1297.jpeg" width="200" /></a></span></div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: verdana; font-size: 11pt;">I reflect on the changes.</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"><span>It took a trag</span><span>ic loss - and other somewhat expected losses to deplete the joy of holidays, birthdays and otherwise warmly anticipated celebrations.</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">The hardest has definitely been Christmas. I count some losses in my family as anticipated, having had time to adapt to expectations of the inevitable. Painful, yet leaving us with happy joyous memories that continue to fill my heart at this time of year. More importantly, having a place to lay flowers, pay respects and lingering awhile in memories means so much.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">With gratitude for those memories and traditions we built upon and created a space of happiness for our remaining children at Christmas. But when the fabric of your little family is torn away, revealing a gaping hole, the magic becomes harder to attain. Every year a resounding, deafening feeling of loss lingers at the center of our universe. Engendering the ever-present thoughts and questions - what happened? How did it happen? Did It happen? Or, has he found another life? That grim rollercoaster of not knowing is incessantly percolating.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">So building upon the scaffolding of times gone by, we endeavored to re-create the ambiance of Christmas. We decorated and baked and played the part. It wasn’t the same. The heart leaden and the soul colder.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">We are the ones left behind to cope with the unsolved and missing loved ones still in our hearts – every day. Missing but ever present. Ambiguous loss. (Pauline Boss)</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">I live a life between memories ever defined as ‘before and after’ our wee beautiful boy vanished into the dark November night without a trace.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">Valerie Nettles<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">Christmas #27<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">December 2023<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-41253949421644889392023-11-27T12:23:00.000-08:002023-11-28T11:55:04.002-08:00Heartless<p> <span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">The case got cold as I got old but your still out there somewhere. </span></p><p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCkqAZoJ5slXL6lLYgeeXm45WQJmedZiziA3_BhLoaslHMeR1H9NlfAdwjNY7GcwBCzWffGXzXpLXv_jSdwMFmxsbWUS6fMILstDSUO9BZvkX-4sLg4wdQ87W6DGjimg4d_QKVzDMLDtw0joLH1nl0veEvpvQkT-SXnxuU73Rc3wuNvGBYt_cwSdCBSBmM/s2880/E0A8FE93-375C-41B3-898F-094537DF476B-COLLAGE.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2880" data-original-width="2880" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCkqAZoJ5slXL6lLYgeeXm45WQJmedZiziA3_BhLoaslHMeR1H9NlfAdwjNY7GcwBCzWffGXzXpLXv_jSdwMFmxsbWUS6fMILstDSUO9BZvkX-4sLg4wdQ87W6DGjimg4d_QKVzDMLDtw0joLH1nl0veEvpvQkT-SXnxuU73Rc3wuNvGBYt_cwSdCBSBmM/s320/E0A8FE93-375C-41B3-898F-094537DF476B-COLLAGE.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />No closer to truth than at the start.<div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">We cannot forget you either.</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">So every day, near three decades now</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">We hope to get the answer</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Birthdays came and birthdays went</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">All without your laughter</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Heavy hearts prevail most days</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">For your sweet life there is no respite</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">But to carry a ball and chain</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Seeking justice in solitude and darkness</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Unseen</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">In the gloom we are not alone</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">So many there like us</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Lives un-lived looking for the lost</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Cast adrift</span></div><div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">And</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">it’s heartless.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p></div>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-839660272323533282023-11-02T06:22:00.000-07:002023-11-02T06:22:24.891-07:00Damien’s 27th missing day<p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We are still hopeful one day we will have some finality to Damien’s disappearance. In the meantime, this is still a dream.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">The reality? We live in this world of missing persons. We are surrounded by a fraternity of families across the globe who, like ours, wait in a quiet desperation for answers.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKl87zHYy7jZkp9vO8zROVURB5gIuDMMcFwDfOfvpRYScVXtABSRIxF-T9vi6RJQlx4jcI2vhO3S8qzpsHkCuj2ZWAllHTc17udCgleKYlLwIGB5iUY-dQDcebHht6B0RlxuWSPHRRDje8Y0wUoVwGKnPJWxUxd3aFXixGMN9Uft6IMobnwQW8DXQ1FEd2/s960/IMG_0050.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKl87zHYy7jZkp9vO8zROVURB5gIuDMMcFwDfOfvpRYScVXtABSRIxF-T9vi6RJQlx4jcI2vhO3S8qzpsHkCuj2ZWAllHTc17udCgleKYlLwIGB5iUY-dQDcebHht6B0RlxuWSPHRRDje8Y0wUoVwGKnPJWxUxd3aFXixGMN9Uft6IMobnwQW8DXQ1FEd2/w200-h150/IMG_0050.jpeg" width="200" /></span></a><span style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Suffering ambiguous loss as they live a life not fully engaged in the present & lingering in the past.</span></span></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Every opportunity for light to shine on their loved one's case brings a moment of renewed energy in the midst of flagging confusion, loss and hope.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Val Nettles Nov 2, 2023</span></span></p><p><a href="https://www.ambiguousloss.com/resources/" target="_blank">Ambiguous Loss</a></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in 0in 0in 0.75in;"><u><o:p></o:p></u></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-43329943159347432512023-10-30T07:34:00.000-07:002023-10-30T07:34:42.756-07:00Memories fizzle & pop<div style="text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Stars shine bright in early morning light.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">As ever, my mind wanders to you Damien as I ponder your fate.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">There is no way to know how you left us.</span></div><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjne2m4Lk-vkLOdJpmcx9VrSgGHSPXQxh_FfjlDlROi1rSJjG0h66jaVphz2CitaBS_1stl8XOvYVs8U7p3nmduX4ibiyNx6jkNXxZUgf34uCUr7tcE8F__1VuwVRuSKx6NPJCeUUqVikJkQP2YP80Dnu9zqE9q37CaxDAbOjwAxj3LDYpx1oPstEqRXabe/s4032/IMG_4480.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjne2m4Lk-vkLOdJpmcx9VrSgGHSPXQxh_FfjlDlROi1rSJjG0h66jaVphz2CitaBS_1stl8XOvYVs8U7p3nmduX4ibiyNx6jkNXxZUgf34uCUr7tcE8F__1VuwVRuSKx6NPJCeUUqVikJkQP2YP80Dnu9zqE9q37CaxDAbOjwAxj3LDYpx1oPstEqRXabe/w150-h200/IMG_4480.jpeg" width="150" /></a></div>Rattling through my mind, memories, pop and fizzle like an old black & white cine film.<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Your life, fast forwards jerkily, faded snippets of happy times, birthdays, Christmas, and laughter.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">The film fizzles, melts to the whirring of an empty reel, a life unfinished, nothing but silence now. Terrifying visions haunt quiet moments.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">I know somewhere under these stars you wait for us, alone. You know I am always looking for you and one day will find you. Have to. But time is running out, my son.<o:p></o:p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-42308210715602097062023-10-21T08:34:00.001-07:002023-10-21T08:58:19.702-07:00Touch paper <p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Ambiguous grief</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">The sensitivity of the situation has not diminished</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">, but easier to talk about. What used to be a trigger or touch paper moment, igniting swells of grief and emotion in the moment, are somewhat controlled. Not always.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4QnmKjRbi7_U8e_CE-w40Of2mW_9HTr6N85whTDDTAECIj_xVHy5JOWICJ3EjJqx1fFcpnfnjUcGzXjBGf-22xquDy4nUSbDgT-1kV4M1zJ_KnaWyusTlsHsDvxpRW9-isL6w2l6DuHyBQkTbpEdJCI3M0diQBHTNrzkxXffQogYr3lVO0Cgwtmvh_iJc/s4032/IMG_2603.heic" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4QnmKjRbi7_U8e_CE-w40Of2mW_9HTr6N85whTDDTAECIj_xVHy5JOWICJ3EjJqx1fFcpnfnjUcGzXjBGf-22xquDy4nUSbDgT-1kV4M1zJ_KnaWyusTlsHsDvxpRW9-isL6w2l6DuHyBQkTbpEdJCI3M0diQBHTNrzkxXffQogYr3lVO0Cgwtmvh_iJc/w146-h194/IMG_2603.heic" width="146" /></a></div>I have learned to live in it and around it. It’s an open wound and is not healing, but the edges are less sharp. Sometimes. Tears of loss, inconsolable, quietly run amok in my heart </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">and are only mine to know. #ambiguousloss #greif #missing #damiennettles #justicefordamien </span></span></div>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-17242703665703224262023-10-04T05:09:00.000-07:002023-10-04T05:10:27.299-07:00Time to move on….<p> <span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Life, for us, stopped the moment our son vanished without trace.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">We haven’t “moved on” and I can’t think how we can unless we forget he existed.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">It might appear we have because we didn’t disappear.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">We are still here.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Life continues its path.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">But now we live two lives.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">One foot in the present and one foot firmly in the past.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">We are not ready to give up on his life and cast him aside. A memory of inconsequence. He deserves to be found because we don’t think he was allowed to make a choice for himself.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">Was it an accident? However, no body was ever found. Or, did someone choose his fate for him? We may never know.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJrlvywa6prTaBa3-GSVG2ElrzSOpDQMPqvbR-9tpWfKah-Fx1soo5Mp74H-qHbzsPSZjnuBm3_Qqia2DxBOh3bfVmC7FP-iSMyd0f2OR1nbw_UYg0tcPl_QSZyOTfxCpd437RoYKg-OmD7qnXlfHfvDa4nRhUOb3ZvwpQVgLKx_NmwJIgwR3hckHOgocJ/s2608/IMG_5276.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2608" data-original-width="2280" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJrlvywa6prTaBa3-GSVG2ElrzSOpDQMPqvbR-9tpWfKah-Fx1soo5Mp74H-qHbzsPSZjnuBm3_Qqia2DxBOh3bfVmC7FP-iSMyd0f2OR1nbw_UYg0tcPl_QSZyOTfxCpd437RoYKg-OmD7qnXlfHfvDa4nRhUOb3ZvwpQVgLKx_NmwJIgwR3hckHOgocJ/w175-h200/IMG_5276.jpeg" width="175" /></a></div><br /><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">We hope time will tell. Until it does, we are still living in that moment when we knew he had vanished out of character.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;">That awful dawning realization, that fateful knowledge, we are in this for the long haul.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt;"> </span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">I am sure it’s meant well when it’s suggested we have to ‘move on.’ It is incomprehensible to those who haven’t been in this situation to imagine how stuck we are in this ongoing grief. It has a name <a href="https://www.ambiguousloss.com/about/" style="color: #954f72;">Ambiguous Loss</a>. There are thousands like me living this loss, desperately hoping one day to get answers.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">No matter how long it’s been - it is still an open wound. We have learned to live around the emptiness of it. But we cannot walk away and ‘move on.’<o:p></o:p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-42161590092006067952023-08-28T08:48:00.000-07:002023-08-28T08:48:47.085-07:00FORGOTTEN<p><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">Behind a face of coping </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">lives a deep </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">sadness that simmers within a grief laden heart.</span></span></p><p></p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: helvetica; font-size: large; text-size-adjust: auto;">Tears fall, un-witnessed, into a void where hope clings and is nourished.</span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK4ha1NrMC_5wLQLHhC3_4cMR2U92M_PyeFpj5xmuP9PUBMmxfyCJxUZR5ybaD5t53HGW4UNp_meZkp72A477XSRAnYZkFg0Pfdy-pM5eAOS4LhL6SULNHk1aOD_LhYn0nphIzSZTX6zseriiXFgJUrk532-Ud6HsHrPHyWlxJyva5CZ5eeHp2BdOl0FI8/s3088/IMG_1633.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></div><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><div><br /><div class="separator"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYENSZf2zfYhxOGMrdp-LqYPALShcLLJ_XnpkutGxRJRxy7rxmHsGHbvazdXysw-08qdTBak_KI71VABkR_AmHFFof-nhr3bE0lwjfPwfV29WXCFt5T6XXWCtKSvmFQrKGykepzDCHx3FwTNgIGTBHzMEMpwVPilGgWXw7Alle7VGNL77E6lw13asaZRwJ/s1753/IMG_2697.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1753" data-original-width="1240" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYENSZf2zfYhxOGMrdp-LqYPALShcLLJ_XnpkutGxRJRxy7rxmHsGHbvazdXysw-08qdTBak_KI71VABkR_AmHFFof-nhr3bE0lwjfPwfV29WXCFt5T6XXWCtKSvmFQrKGykepzDCHx3FwTNgIGTBHzMEMpwVPilGgWXw7Alle7VGNL77E6lw13asaZRwJ/w278-h400/IMG_2697.jpeg" width="278" /></a></div></div><div><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2320" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK4ha1NrMC_5wLQLHhC3_4cMR2U92M_PyeFpj5xmuP9PUBMmxfyCJxUZR5ybaD5t53HGW4UNp_meZkp72A477XSRAnYZkFg0Pfdy-pM5eAOS4LhL6SULNHk1aOD_LhYn0nphIzSZTX6zseriiXFgJUrk532-Ud6HsHrPHyWlxJyva5CZ5eeHp2BdOl0FI8/w240-h320/IMG_1633.jpeg" width="240" /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Hard to explain. Physical pain<span>.</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTW2b7acdik03RwrEb0ys3YYJuVa8gVfA0i1UMwbTnGbRA2pc6OIfFaGEQNQYN0UyITL3REPjFs_sDRznZe0Iy9k9z7f9ulLLwgm2zqxZE-6PyP2S-v8vnDqjqczAPJ5nl940xyTl8TFO1Q2EAMnKKXgAPjfLiGK8get8ixz4odIs9VDQDduclluUPpFwu/s1200/IMG_1206.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTW2b7acdik03RwrEb0ys3YYJuVa8gVfA0i1UMwbTnGbRA2pc6OIfFaGEQNQYN0UyITL3REPjFs_sDRznZe0Iy9k9z7f9ulLLwgm2zqxZE-6PyP2S-v8vnDqjqczAPJ5nl940xyTl8TFO1Q2EAMnKKXgAPjfLiGK8get8ixz4odIs9VDQDduclluUPpFwu/w240-h320/IMG_1206.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div></div></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">My boy is still missing. <span>Cast adrift.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">Time and opportunity ticking by. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">Life, getting shorter.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: helvetica; font-size: large;">Silence deafening, resounding.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-32974056327575941012023-08-04T16:07:00.000-07:002023-08-04T16:07:06.598-07:00When I was young<h2 style="text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana;"> <span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">I wish I had known.</span></span></b></h2><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><b><span style="font-family: verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p><b><span style="font-family: verdana;"> </span></b></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKyL2poke2o4vkODWfe4yaXLA71yJ4C4mvS_OHswoLrBvMwCIqQ9IYq_Tdqep0ICRxtRFp_G_ggCNkg1Fr46fBN_EHvOzufh_D3oFnbQJVj7lxhY4myEGpO6fk5ORPpi1u1BhZIzCFWwMswbIkiRSk9GPKaTQTaQMnM3RdTFcpAOGATQADywBtMPMd9ej2/s2728/IMG_0056.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2728" data-original-width="2280" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKyL2poke2o4vkODWfe4yaXLA71yJ4C4mvS_OHswoLrBvMwCIqQ9IYq_Tdqep0ICRxtRFp_G_ggCNkg1Fr46fBN_EHvOzufh_D3oFnbQJVj7lxhY4myEGpO6fk5ORPpi1u1BhZIzCFWwMswbIkiRSk9GPKaTQTaQMnM3RdTFcpAOGATQADywBtMPMd9ej2/w167-h200/IMG_0056.jpeg" width="167" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">When I was raising 4 young children spanning a 10-year age difference, I didn’t know the stress and anxiety was just a fleeting moment in my life. A husband busy working to keep us fed and housed. I often felt neglected and alone with the burden of being a mother and housekeeper and later holding down a job.</span></p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmpB_Nszdcrh3nX4YwytZJFd4kCRPbw5r1Yu6Rth1qONW7DbNJrdZ1pQjbbzQsak8c2lVpt9pNPopQj5R6C4l1CBA1L9NY8aB2QGGYzAG4Egw7HdwV5W8QV0CQ8AlLAoap9vmk9bZhkAYxvJMS4Z9JLmtehQ6RzOiq99bZL5fbdHhZCfz_9kEdadwDZmas/s3264/IMG_0038.jpeg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="1836" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmpB_Nszdcrh3nX4YwytZJFd4kCRPbw5r1Yu6Rth1qONW7DbNJrdZ1pQjbbzQsak8c2lVpt9pNPopQj5R6C4l1CBA1L9NY8aB2QGGYzAG4Egw7HdwV5W8QV0CQ8AlLAoap9vmk9bZhkAYxvJMS4Z9JLmtehQ6RzOiq99bZL5fbdHhZCfz_9kEdadwDZmas/w110-h195/IMG_0038.jpeg" width="110" /></span></a></p><p></p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><o:p> </o:p>I didn’t appreciate that it was not forever. When I was overwhelmed by life and feeling like a failure. It felt like a life sentence, and I couldn’t see past today.</span></p><p style="text-align: left;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel. Looking back it was the most important fulfilling time of my life. When I was the center of my children’s world, and my home was our safe haven. I didn’t know that with all the ensuing stresses, school, job, making dinner, taking kids her and there. Finding the money for trips and clothes and shoes. All the anxieties. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">It was temporary. A short time in a long life. Now they are grown and gone with families of their own.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: medium;">One is gone it seems forever. So how I wish I could reverse time and go back to those hectic frantic exhausting times. When I had all my little eggs in one basket. When life was whole. </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Treasure the moments because time moves forward regardless so don’t wish away the best of it. It’s not forever</span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">.</span></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-4384412318857599772023-07-13T13:40:00.001-07:002023-07-13T14:03:20.481-07:00Calamity<p><span style="font-family: helvetica;"> Calamity</span></p><p><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Moving forward with life blissfully unaware. Comfortable in your predictable bubble as you know it. </span><span style="font-family: helvetica;">Getting on with mundane daily life events. When WHAM a brick wall smacks right into you without warning. </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjwsLVsrdjxdCywQ8XlMDF8xkMLlLUgeDoww_F4_OOqX5XIwbHBurDOg17LP3ZclpPcnJ6_mv0THFK72-jyxlvVaqb1iVb24nMg8NZFkyIgXKtn7_ZuPUQRrJxdyL0bMh5mmy-I2Nje0exrWNIYbDG8iqMi82aC4gdMy57_Q5seoaPcSMk18lMWY9k4LrW/s632/20170504_230159150_iOS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="452" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjwsLVsrdjxdCywQ8XlMDF8xkMLlLUgeDoww_F4_OOqX5XIwbHBurDOg17LP3ZclpPcnJ6_mv0THFK72-jyxlvVaqb1iVb24nMg8NZFkyIgXKtn7_ZuPUQRrJxdyL0bMh5mmy-I2Nje0exrWNIYbDG8iqMi82aC4gdMy57_Q5seoaPcSMk18lMWY9k4LrW/s320/20170504_230159150_iOS.jpg" width="229" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br />Breath smacked right out of you. Will you ever breathe again? Life is never the same. You look back yearning with hunger for that time when life had a level of certainty, familiarity and safety. It’s gone. But life keeps moving you forwards. Like froth on the tip of a wave. Shoving you forward in this new normal then sucking you back into memories. Facets of your life pulled back together like shattered glass. Forever cracked by an event nobody could have predicted. Cobbled together and strung in pain. </span><p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-3710820437983769972023-04-04T12:40:00.003-07:002023-04-05T05:17:09.471-07:00Brick Wall<p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">People ask me how I cope? The realization hit me like a brick wall<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_pmHVb6FediaUFZRe3uK14oidohNS4V9tP_H1YxBC_awdj4JD7xS8Dz3M5dbRaB8YsX8TbSH1yd9S07xs7h254A-Y1E-zb_BP4QUVFOXSUntsXLveIxc9fuvXXxzKOWRk6n-fmI2QJoH8Metm7rkiHbUkG7tk8MjavBEur9Yddq-zLWLL6OkCoDv88Q/s1773/04B338D1-F81D-4C20-8609-430CEB8B260E.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1773" data-original-width="1773" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_pmHVb6FediaUFZRe3uK14oidohNS4V9tP_H1YxBC_awdj4JD7xS8Dz3M5dbRaB8YsX8TbSH1yd9S07xs7h254A-Y1E-zb_BP4QUVFOXSUntsXLveIxc9fuvXXxzKOWRk6n-fmI2QJoH8Metm7rkiHbUkG7tk8MjavBEur9Yddq-zLWLL6OkCoDv88Q/w200-h200/04B338D1-F81D-4C20-8609-430CEB8B260E.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><br />I don’t ‘live’ I exist. I am not depressed I am filled with sadness. I have reached a point in my life where I just sit and listen to the silence. As I listen I reflect on how I got here. Like an old cine’ film the past replays. There used to be color in my life. My childhood. Warmth and happiness. Parents, grandparents and siblings. Vibrancy and possibilities. Noise. Children to nurture and visions of how their lives would evolve and who they would become. Visions of happy family gatherings. Meet ups and play dates and friends with positive lives moving forward much like mine. The future exciting. Careers, comfortable home and happy existence was all we ever hoped for.<o:p></o:p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">Boom. My son vanished at age 16.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpSoRG5lCwK4kfOxfwn-YA_6cO2MkBa_H-IW2lkm7zqJHNVNOQnJnBAQeNqA-4BcK9zF-_fDMOzlF9m_BDpdqa7czq6xB7V45pNQ2lzlALaQt4SBCwZhnho_jjqva-NOUKo50OUT4SqVpLwPPpRGitOHtWQeGys5WdqcAg1myXuV4FDLL1-Bi8Rzfhtg/s355/EC93E806-6A53-4B48-B5E2-41015A0663B0.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="355" data-original-width="348" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpSoRG5lCwK4kfOxfwn-YA_6cO2MkBa_H-IW2lkm7zqJHNVNOQnJnBAQeNqA-4BcK9zF-_fDMOzlF9m_BDpdqa7czq6xB7V45pNQ2lzlALaQt4SBCwZhnho_jjqva-NOUKo50OUT4SqVpLwPPpRGitOHtWQeGys5WdqcAg1myXuV4FDLL1-Bi8Rzfhtg/s320/EC93E806-6A53-4B48-B5E2-41015A0663B0.jpeg" width="314" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9algR87HXmGFu-SPr6gYyzYxPS-CvoMLZNQ1ea8dGjNG4pP7yWhGisJ7Pkg3tJ_NKEpHlvUshbduttUCZPaZTRQJRdaORCTxQvWK88I_BsUH03TUeJH5yHttnU6_m5WJ_vUu7JXyiOt-48uxp0CVikZ-2peNMF3OBbHvNfU9ISw7zrVTVwHOdxlEFNw/s635/B0FA3FDD-697C-41AF-B345-D2451A410C19.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="590" data-original-width="635" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9algR87HXmGFu-SPr6gYyzYxPS-CvoMLZNQ1ea8dGjNG4pP7yWhGisJ7Pkg3tJ_NKEpHlvUshbduttUCZPaZTRQJRdaORCTxQvWK88I_BsUH03TUeJH5yHttnU6_m5WJ_vUu7JXyiOt-48uxp0CVikZ-2peNMF3OBbHvNfU9ISw7zrVTVwHOdxlEFNw/s320/B0FA3FDD-697C-41AF-B345-D2451A410C19.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><o:p></o:p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">Fast forward to today. The past still on replay but now disjointed. Exhausting. Confusing. Desperate. Reflections of horror, sadness and loss hauntingly fill the void. Fragmented thoughts – coming at me in bits as I cling to them in hope. I try desperately to tie them together. Failing. Reaching out for help. Looking for an arm to hold onto. But I am alone. Searching every last memory and moment for a clue to end this bitter crushing pang of fear.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">What happened.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">He must be dead. How? Was he suffering. Was he hurt. Did he Cry. Think of us? Cry for us.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">Did he know? Out there somewhere and alone in his darkness he waits. Thoughts like this slip into my mind and slip out again leaving emptiness.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">I listen in silence witness to all the unspeakable possibilities. Waiting for truth and Justice called ‘hope.’</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">Almost 27 years and we still have some hope we might find the answer. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">I recently read a comment on another much more recent case and the author shouted the case should be closed. If he knew the pain and the suffering endured by thousands who are the same place as me. Looking for help and answers. He might begin to understand. </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify;">People are not disposable commodities. </p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"></span>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-86961262453327330092023-03-11T10:13:00.000-08:002023-03-11T10:13:53.009-08:00To Damien<p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">I don’t know how to shake this feeling of perpetual anxiety. It’s gnawing and tugging inwardly in my mind and in my soul.</span></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnhxzElxe9UfpeHy06PXG5vMDDcm1vCZjLLB7BOta4kwqtkbqq5ndJGDUmpEH7bgrLcn6KRk_6W0BdzFALXy91YtH2mpGW6D8MVMozZtGZ5IlhlVngRMgt0J3PDZR_5H82baNIwy0iD3RmB3XoSnoWBrgsbuX0_4QY0RmcVolDVXmZZgwcg5gHNTIB3Q/s640/IMG_1683.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="452" height="373" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnhxzElxe9UfpeHy06PXG5vMDDcm1vCZjLLB7BOta4kwqtkbqq5ndJGDUmpEH7bgrLcn6KRk_6W0BdzFALXy91YtH2mpGW6D8MVMozZtGZ5IlhlVngRMgt0J3PDZR_5H82baNIwy0iD3RmB3XoSnoWBrgsbuX0_4QY0RmcVolDVXmZZgwcg5gHNTIB3Q/w263-h373/IMG_1683.JPG" width="263" /></a><span style="font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"> </span></div><p></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">Never a day passes where I don’t think of you Damien.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">This feeling has sat with me daily since you went missing. 26 years and counting my son without your voice, your humor and your smile and your very being. The constant tug and pull aches of how much I miss you. I think about you as I go about my daily routines. As if I might seem normal, though it is grossly abnormal. Seen by anyone who did not know my son vanished might never suspect the pain inside my heart. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">I wish you could have been with me longer. I know something bad happened to take you from us dearest boy. It’s not your fault.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">I just wish I knew. I wish I could find an answer to make sense of all of this inner turmoil I suffer. But suffer it all I will in hopes of knowing the truth one day.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;">Mother of Missing Damien Nettles. I will never give up hope. Author: The Boy Who Disappeared non-fiction/true crime ISBN: 9781789460711 enquires via website.</p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-40552003670276678642022-12-08T06:42:00.001-08:002022-12-08T07:37:21.762-08:00Christmas #26<p style="text-align: justify;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi16c-DsSgen-k3hRgmR6LZ2TvsekbUytw5dfXNn8tcwFILymQbGX1Hh6FhM_clCBBBetmjxf9TVWF-QyeXsFaj7accScReO_Ce1pKOA9WrXQQFBasZS_I9LaHoUqPm5CwwfyAPxXavEkfKvn3ijsPECCFGKUu7V11bbFp3LqoL-4c9SDzTE3y9iLkJEg/s1440/20151229_170956.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi16c-DsSgen-k3hRgmR6LZ2TvsekbUytw5dfXNn8tcwFILymQbGX1Hh6FhM_clCBBBetmjxf9TVWF-QyeXsFaj7accScReO_Ce1pKOA9WrXQQFBasZS_I9LaHoUqPm5CwwfyAPxXavEkfKvn3ijsPECCFGKUu7V11bbFp3LqoL-4c9SDzTE3y9iLkJEg/w150-h200/20151229_170956.jpg" width="150" /></a></div><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">His name is Damien.</span><p></p><div style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">Here it comes again. Tis the season.</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">The twenty-sixth Christmas without news or knowledge about what happened to my missing son. Again trying to insert myself into the twinkle and spark of another festive season.</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"></span></p><p></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">There is a</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">bumpy winding road to negotiate until the New Year.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Full of Emotional obstacles to anticipate and get ahead of.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Family traditions to enact out of an obligation to lift my own spirits.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Anticipation of others needs and wants at this time and not be the wet blanket.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I will do my part.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I am bombarded by the shiny hype of it.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Reminded with every advertisement.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Happy smiling people in Christmas attire of one sort or another. It’s fun, heartwarming, kind. Unless your heart is shattered. </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Emotive appeals for giving and goodwill.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Any faith left in me has been worn away over the years. It’s hanging by a thread somewhere in my soul.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Not quite gone.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Was it ever there?</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I think it was.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I can’t lean on it now it would be pointless – 26 years is plenty of time for a miracle to happen.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">Times running out for me and Ed.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;">I can see the horizon and it’s flat.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; text-align: justify;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPhVwPWrfwaa1MwAsfgk4YuG8DSSC2uO0h4A6Bo4ueNRhhTvo4B-AwlulGhMy0UhS0t1T_-foKoMLkBoMv3UrTofuMbIcb4aGnvs-RVCJ84_mk5DS4OVFBhRwW2V1s11x_gc4xevl2aXwNZrB9LT3a9WHBqvysfk-hAH8zdJ0FC9WvUh6FVKMQ3uE_UQ/s634/IMG_4834.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="399" data-original-width="634" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPhVwPWrfwaa1MwAsfgk4YuG8DSSC2uO0h4A6Bo4ueNRhhTvo4B-AwlulGhMy0UhS0t1T_-foKoMLkBoMv3UrTofuMbIcb4aGnvs-RVCJ84_mk5DS4OVFBhRwW2V1s11x_gc4xevl2aXwNZrB9LT3a9WHBqvysfk-hAH8zdJ0FC9WvUh6FVKMQ3uE_UQ/w200-h126/IMG_4834.JPG" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I am going to drop off at some point.</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I would really like to know before I go just how it happened. How that lovely kid waved “bye bye mum see ya later” and fell off the face of the earth.</span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">My lovely boy. </span></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9zvN7ekYJbpvAkOYnuSZ1HaG8fcFBfZN-gbGQ0Fn3EoAdk7OK_vI9R2gxEEvmbop2m1MUwbaXn-ZEF0vtRyrPDCDpwyJy-Ye-XFEWMqx2g3e8yqj683u8b9M1ILwzMTXhJSIHKQw5ZZDts8jBJYSliQVLtXavoh_y-GEiHzDtS-BzfAlWBzMtmC5ayg/s3072/IMG_4833.JPG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="3072" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9zvN7ekYJbpvAkOYnuSZ1HaG8fcFBfZN-gbGQ0Fn3EoAdk7OK_vI9R2gxEEvmbop2m1MUwbaXn-ZEF0vtRyrPDCDpwyJy-Ye-XFEWMqx2g3e8yqj683u8b9M1ILwzMTXhJSIHKQw5ZZDts8jBJYSliQVLtXavoh_y-GEiHzDtS-BzfAlWBzMtmC5ayg/w200-h200/IMG_4833.JPG" width="200" /></a>His name is Damien.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;">We miss him so much.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;">Can you help us? </p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;">Do you know?</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-align: justify; text-size-adjust: auto;">It’s time! </p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-51484605630818514302022-10-01T05:12:00.000-07:002022-10-01T05:12:15.056-07:00Waiting<p>This past year has been fairly quiet around Damien’s case. But things are happening, at a snails pace. I have been informed by my cold case officer that Damien’s case will be give back to the Major Crime team and an SIO provided. This is an endeavor to work with Locate International who are able to assist police investigations with no cost to police. This will allow police and Locate to do work around unidentified and unclaimed body parts to ensure they are all cross matched and recorded. It has be a snail mail process whereby the case officer recommended this happen but going up the food chain for approval has been painfully slow! We are still awaiting final green light and getting feedback is tortuous. </p><p>At this time it’s a bit hit and miss if a body part gets the important scrutiny needed. Although there are protocols in place to do this, I have heard from people who found bones and took them to police who threw them into the bin. That is unacceptable.</p><p>There are a few burial at sea sites around the UK and the Isle of Wight has one. Often body parts are washed up from a burial at sea gone wrong. The police may be quick to assume this is the case when body parts wash ashore. It is also known that unless it’s a body part a human cannot ‘live without’ it may never be looked into. This is also unacceptable. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-48904305164841533192022-10-01T05:10:00.000-07:002022-10-01T05:10:59.934-07:00<div><p>I wrote a book about my struggles with the case of my missing son, Damien Nettles. I felt it was necessary to write our journey into my own words. The emotional turmoil of a child missing is beyond words. I can only express what I have known. It goes without saying that anytime a family member mysteriously goes missing, it is unbearable for the family left behind. There are few resources for a family like mine; no guidance came from the police for us. We were fortunate to stumble on Missing People, who provided guidance and support.</p><p> <br />Since that time I have been working with people who have come my way to make improvements/change in how missing persons cases are handled. </p>So much can go wrong in the initial stages of a missing episode. I say episode as in some cases, especially missing from care and County Lines, are revolving door cases which most of the time have some resolution until the next episode. There are significant resources in place through National Crime Agency with focus on the exploitation of young and vulnerable people.</div><div><br />My focus is on the unexplained/out of character incidents especially young males who are NOT marginalized/criminalized in society but who are missing for other reasons i.e. unplanned or out of character and missing on a night out.</div><div><br /></div><div>All too common yet often not given appropriate risk assessment by police who stereotype young men as boys being boys or just another teen runaway. Quick assumptions, in some cases, that missing young people fit one profile, delays in thorough searches. </div><div><br />The most important thing the police need to do, and is very simple, listen to the concerns of the family who know that person better than anyone. Act upon it, immediately!</div><div><br />In our case, we suffered from a feeling of helpless sadness and desperation. We could not comprehend the scope of what was happening. We were in a state of shock. There needs to be understanding of the dynamics of the situation that has befallen the family left behind to cope.</div><div><br /></div><div>When someone goes missing, knowingly or unknowingly, they take several lives with them which will forever be damaged. In some cases destroyed. Lives veering onto a new dark path. Unfulfilled hopes and dreams. Lost opportunities. Missed happiness. Deep sadness, anxiety and depression. Broken relationships. The list goes on.</div><div><br /></div><div>My experience spans almost 26 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpMSaXdcFDaPtIsw_3tIhHKuh6gv2AgFw6SYWNc-StWeUgZqcORdtDWD2HyVq_IJNJbBKF15S_J_8A3bsIXEhV_BUztCsG1TJKksDBZFNx2dgzPSBnhqIw8_oh8qxJCOvgN43jaT3HxgWrRQfejun28fc-pSvJcb3up5nq7vd0D64n2G5uZuzakZkhg/s1773/1382AB73-8F8C-4052-9854-B7ED4E91FAAB.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1773" data-original-width="1773" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYpMSaXdcFDaPtIsw_3tIhHKuh6gv2AgFw6SYWNc-StWeUgZqcORdtDWD2HyVq_IJNJbBKF15S_J_8A3bsIXEhV_BUztCsG1TJKksDBZFNx2dgzPSBnhqIw8_oh8qxJCOvgN43jaT3HxgWrRQfejun28fc-pSvJcb3up5nq7vd0D64n2G5uZuzakZkhg/w200-h200/1382AB73-8F8C-4052-9854-B7ED4E91FAAB.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div>years at the time of writing this. There appears to be increased awareness/willingness by authorities to look closer at such cases, but mistakes, often fatal are still made. Especially in the case young males who are often stereotyped as out on the town, lads being lads. </div>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-48177825883031162132022-09-30T13:08:00.001-07:002022-10-01T04:41:03.547-07:00Words of Missingness<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvFqyvwKYRWrg9sh_DqrFHXGZNy7KCBirgeyy1fG5LUu5XNKUyj-M3MvDgXJPVk0m1rwQKvKw6Pg2DWIhVa33F_Q39l8aXEIG5C053Y5bBYIE1SJVSHYlndUghSxzPv-perpnZ8bSQYLB6dFqlWxsPHemimUrAsBDCpRPIAo3KveI9ATV1VKtgZ6ZOiQ/s719/61204C20-C189-4250-AC6F-C61D31FA791E.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="719" data-original-width="623" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvFqyvwKYRWrg9sh_DqrFHXGZNy7KCBirgeyy1fG5LUu5XNKUyj-M3MvDgXJPVk0m1rwQKvKw6Pg2DWIhVa33F_Q39l8aXEIG5C053Y5bBYIE1SJVSHYlndUghSxzPv-perpnZ8bSQYLB6dFqlWxsPHemimUrAsBDCpRPIAo3KveI9ATV1VKtgZ6ZOiQ/w173-h200/61204C20-C189-4250-AC6F-C61D31FA791E.jpeg" width="173" /></a></div><br /> <p></p><p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">When a
loved one goes missing you feel<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Terrified he
is hurt?<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Shocked it is
happening<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Alarmed nobody
seems to know anything<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Confused what
to do<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bewildered as
world stands still<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dazed by resounding
silence<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Alone in a
whirlwind<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Perplexed at
inaction<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Despondent of
life<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Frightened at
realization<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Limbo left wondering<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dangling in time and space<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Enduring perpetual grief<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Endless despair<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">The
ongoing wait makes you feel<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Depressed<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Disappointed<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Despairing<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Despondent <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Debilitated<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sad<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Frozen<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Hopeless<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Lost<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Unimportant<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">The case
makes you<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Hopeful
things will be done<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Supported -
someone to take over<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Expectant - rational
explanation<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Poised - time
passes by<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Suspended - life
is put on hold<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Frustrated - nothing forthcoming<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pending – our
lives<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Prolonged -
yearning for answers<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Disconnected
- lack of communication<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Inactive - other
things take precedence<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Disregarded -
nobody calls back<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Forgotten -
time wears on<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Ignored - emails
go unanswered<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Delayed - always excuses<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Neglected - time
passes by<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Overlooked -
new cases come along<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">It can
make you seem<o:p></o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p> </o:p></span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Rebellious<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Demanding<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Defiant<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stronger<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Determined<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Purposeful<o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-left: 0.5in; mso-add-space: auto; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Hopeful for change<o:p></o:p></span></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-76199200011597564112022-07-13T11:24:00.004-07:002022-07-21T12:53:34.953-07:00Turning adversity into positivity<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">I found out in the early days that being pro-active in my missing son's case was the thing that kept me sane. I was drowning in a sea of emotion. Nobody can describe the distress of having a much loved son just vanish without a trace. It was clear that not enough support, advice or action was forthcoming from our local police. We had to become our own advocates for our missing child. Support came from the friends of Damien their parents and the community. There is no doubt that assumptions were made about our missing boy which adversely affected any possible positive outcome in the case. We didn’t have a clue why he vanished or what to do. It didn’t make sense and it was out of character. </span></div><p style="text-align: justify;">Although things have slowed down at the moment and there is not much left on the table that I can push for Damien’s case, I can still make a difference.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://mpih.org.uk/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" data-original-height="627" data-original-width="1200" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWV0SeKhhFDnDXJHCeRpzhXHXSEnZSr8aDdjKf02EpKGRAVsYfmcASXnAL3TQmdsL8j8kQ_FdjIGPaijosxiiWTdl2ERGHf3HfqIEfy__vtNe7L_JA6tj6AqmA4LXWK5CAe4O8l6W0qzWackzGBaYQmiVuClsaCwDpAwawfteMOotAloWRUJzyFE8VKQ/s320/IMG_1470.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: justify;">Missing Persons Information Hub (MPIH) <a href="https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1614811/missing-children-expert-helping-families-madeleine-mccann-amber-alert-police?fbclid=IwAR1F3omns9z8vIGDy4cQd1aJNokkYAUk9OO98lY5dW9TiEq6OWQyK8s5OKA&fs=e&s=cl#l5jsdg0vhnqwb7jk2zl" target="_blank">See launch article</a></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Over the many years Damien has been missing, I have come across random articles about the missing issue which could have been useful had I known. I was pleased to be asked by <a href="https://charliehedgesadvisory.com/2014/12/24/charlie-hedges-advisory/" target="_blank">Charlie Hedges</a> to be the family advocate as part of a working group with police professionals and universities and <a href="https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/?fs=e&s=cl" target="_blank">Missing People Charity</a>. Creation of this website will make it easier for new people coming into this issue to find the advice they need, in one place.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I am a member of the Missing People Charity Advisory Board which is basically a think tank helping the Charity to plan content of events or giving opinions on subjects related to the issue from a family perspective.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I and another mother of a missing person, participated in police training sessions, sponsored by Missing People Charity. By sharing our lived experience of this issue and what went wrong or what went right, we hope to bring some insight to how families are affected, some for decades, when assumptions are made, and risk assessment is incorrect. Very often there is disconnect of communication which can impede successful relationships and a positive experience.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">We were both also on the panel to create a bespoke candle for Missing People. Making contact with other families in this situation has been very helpful and mutually a supportive experience.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have been fortunate to participate in several research projects by individuals and universities, in the hope my experience will help to shed light on the subject and there will be better understanding of this issue. The interest generated in the missing issue will be beneficial as people go missing every day Hopefully the insights I can provide will impact on police and research for the good of future cases</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I joined a writing group, sponsored by Missing People, to help families use the written word to create poems or various other forms of writing and stretch our brain cells. It is a lovely way to connect with other family members while having a chat at the same time. Writing about my experience has always been something that was cathartic for me. To release those thoughts and feelings into a written form, either by hand on the computer helped me cope. It was also a journal which later came to be useful as I wrote a book about our family's experience.<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Disappeared-Valerie-Nettles-ebook/dp/B07WRLCXHC/ref=nodl_?dplnkId=8c696e58-efe6-4aa6-a41b-45bad6d3ec6e" target="_blank"> The Boy who Disappeared</a>. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Finally, if being pro-active in the issue that took our son helps another family, then Damien's short life has been given a purpose.</p><p><br /></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-75570670772189080052022-01-30T07:28:00.001-08:002022-01-30T07:31:05.894-08:00 A New Year in the continued search for Damien Nettles<p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt;">2022 began our family lost yet another member of our family. Damiens uncle Nigel passed on New Years Day after a valiant battle with <a href="https://nigelgreenhalgh.muchloved.com/Fundraising/RaisedForCharity?fbclid=IwAR2_biku03wXZeJSQpem2OqnMpDBsPpgJrVHfdastrbteVmGTTRmTXxiaT8">Leukemia</a>.</span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt;"> He desperately wanted to know what happened to his much loved nephew.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: 11pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgOi3Y-wunzNqxoj80ZTfdkpSLDnnCEaN95gY8WoYc6J8BF9cFfg-fIRvYK4mIPdNh1omHfa_ODHIzzC5qtEiXBtWM-oIUW1mDo_gg_WQ5mmmBrI5yTEuo-gvKY0230660AkuJzGlx-odLnJnq_96y2ycqwdE-8N6jdAYb-BULHKY0cdRpGqAvgzRd26w=s640" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgOi3Y-wunzNqxoj80ZTfdkpSLDnnCEaN95gY8WoYc6J8BF9cFfg-fIRvYK4mIPdNh1omHfa_ODHIzzC5qtEiXBtWM-oIUW1mDo_gg_WQ5mmmBrI5yTEuo-gvKY0230660AkuJzGlx-odLnJnq_96y2ycqwdE-8N6jdAYb-BULHKY0cdRpGqAvgzRd26w=w200-h200" width="200" /></a></span></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">Nigel represented our family at numerous events hosted by <a href="https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/" target="_blank">Missing People Charity</a> Nigel and his wife Janet opened their beautiful historical home to public tours along with cream teas to raise money for this Charity. His daughter Sophie did a charitable walk around the Isle of Wight to raise more funds.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://www.missingpeople.org.uk/" target="_blank">Missing People</a> are the only charity in the UK to serve the both the missing person and families/friends left behind to cope. They also are instrumental in research and development with government bodies to improve current standard practices.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">So as we enter, what I can only describe as a already fractured year, it’s time to assess where we are, are not, with Damiens case.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">In 2011 the case was elevated to a suspected murder. This was 14 years after he went missing. Arrests were made and perfunctory searches done. But after 14 years peoples memories cloud or potential witness had passed away who may have been able to shed light on the facts. Prospective burial sites dismissed. Facts were in short order in this case from day one.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">Although being high risk due to age and out of character disappearance, nothing was done on any acceptable level to find a missing 16 year old boy. In fact I was belligerently told by an officer he was 19 and old enough to please himself if he wanted to go off. No wonder little was achieved in the golden hours of this case. CCTV was dismissed out of hand and lost by police for any further scrutiny. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">The case is currently touted by Hampshire Constabulary as a ‘missing person’ cold case. It is very puzzling that despite the continued flow of information of alleged foul play it’s not been maintained at a elevated level of risk assessment that would encourage information. Instead we have been told they didn’t want to encourage more information to come in for this case as they have ‘done everything’. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">No, they have not. They gave themselves a narrative in 2014 as having done ‘due diligence’ after the short search and fruitless arrests. Then they shelved the case with their cold case unit.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">So this is where we are. They refuse to re-visit the continued flow of information constantly provided. I pass everything to the cold case officer who has been helpful. However, the buck stops up the chain of command as to whether or not anything we forward is going to be followed up. We have been waiting over a year for promised work around DNA. There is no budget. Police funds are cut which are excuses I hear. Despite the offer of a community interest group to take this on to assist police at no cost the police. Nothing ever happens!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;">The only facts we have are what we knew on the day we reported him missing which was November 3, 1996, approximately 15 hours after he was last seen. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span lang="EN-GB">He was seen by several people (witnesses) during the late evening of November 2, 1996. He went out with his friend, drank cider</span><span lang="EN-GB"> </span>and later bought chips at 11:45pm seen on chip shop security camera where was surrounded by men later identified as being army personnel visiting the Island.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">There is speculation Damien could have taken drugs but there are no ‘factual’ statements within the police report that proves he did. As a family we have to be open to all possibilities, but so far it is hearsay. If anyone later changed their narrative to suit themselves then why did police not revisit previous the statements given by those same individuals around Damien that night? One has to wonder if anything that was said can be trusted? </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Damien’s case was handed from the Isle of Wight police in 2002 to Major Crimes Unit of Hampshire Constabulary. At this time information was input on their HOLMES database. We later discovered any prior information 1996-2002 was not input into the HOLMES system.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Last confirmed sighting was on street CCTV (lost by police) at 12:05am November 3,1996 eating chips walking along Cowes High Street, alone. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><o:p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Royal Yacht Squadron had an event that evening, an acquaintance Damiens said he would be working at the event. But police have never addressed this. I have a redacted report spanning 2002-2017 with witness statements with no mention of the squadron event. Despite loud voices arguing/shouting reported in the early hours of the morning from residents nearby. It was dismissed because police said it was hard to prove or follow up. At the time we deferred to what police told us. We had no inkling what could be accomplished. But now we do know it’s painfully clear important possibilities were ignored. I have the major review done in 2006 which never mentions the squadron. Why were army men in town? There must have been a guest list so an important question still looms about who else was in Cowes that night? Despite bringing this up many times over the years it’s never been addressed.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-41689698076814379232021-12-15T05:37:00.004-08:002021-12-15T11:33:23.580-08:00Whisper of a Christmas Memory<p><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"></span></p><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">Lights twinkle<br /></span>Snow flakes quietly fall</span></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; text-size-adjust: auto;">Reflections sparkle<br /></span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">On baubles and balls</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg_y0VqL9cO_HDz5BurRI9mPm0Pci60bbSNp09P8WuyWdAyXzUjutOm-XAjWC3Ud7b6yoKVs4h7MEG1xBasMYgjBIrxOhMiFEw5fXvl6q793M4IXeWTlMh1hYwgIQ2PX_WB3GEaedLl375l4C7wWxe0GQYzfy0BEYPr7ucCUJNfjmc9pWFfva_8VgdQGw=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg_y0VqL9cO_HDz5BurRI9mPm0Pci60bbSNp09P8WuyWdAyXzUjutOm-XAjWC3Ud7b6yoKVs4h7MEG1xBasMYgjBIrxOhMiFEw5fXvl6q793M4IXeWTlMh1hYwgIQ2PX_WB3GEaedLl375l4C7wWxe0GQYzfy0BEYPr7ucCUJNfjmc9pWFfva_8VgdQGw=w150-h200" width="150" /></a></div><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">An energy in the air<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Scurrying feet echo & clatter<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Mothers grasp small hands<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">excited children natter<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">The hiss of wet tires on roads<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Last minute shopping done<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Families bundle onto busses<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">They don’t feel the cold<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As they scurry home<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">A warm joy in their soul<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg4mXBpJ4uo87nQFeVGUfdIQcqTIFX3nvJcXFuU4afKQSNNvvg1KnglGaqYvsCrPwigwvcwzeqd3LKX_oSEBrfJ4MEoS8hEQkd0hEigFJ1nA1sTBoT5rjCMze_-b_kF-oCjl9v_h9q7qM4vt9NgrEJ-YMGMp34Bvk1PMufBSbxRVBhg2cOY0849fdDQEA=s1440" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1080" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg4mXBpJ4uo87nQFeVGUfdIQcqTIFX3nvJcXFuU4afKQSNNvvg1KnglGaqYvsCrPwigwvcwzeqd3LKX_oSEBrfJ4MEoS8hEQkd0hEigFJ1nA1sTBoT5rjCMze_-b_kF-oCjl9v_h9q7qM4vt9NgrEJ-YMGMp34Bvk1PMufBSbxRVBhg2cOY0849fdDQEA=w150-h200" width="150" /></a></span></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Festive music plays<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I see it, I hear it<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I don’t feel it.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I feel undone<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I lost my son<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">He was just 16<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Not yet a man<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">His humor spontaneous<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">His laughter contagious<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">But then there was none</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I smile as I recall</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Small hand that clung to mine<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Small face glowing in wonder<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Those quizzical brown eyes<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Ernest and endless questions about life</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjf4SqlG1cxQAWkcevasrs4ClR62EZmUXYTccTJ60KSkaQ_HByF4kjj8yfW9jM6kyW-fGHN0PEuPMEKd2-EhLnQ7bRRpelm_b3O8vNZIMl1RDEYaZOeQJhekQ0vnearFYDT29qsSAXqXRBIVvvjYS4anfisx-qIN6VZXFyd-02aZRlRqInXuWLh3HOojw=s416" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="345" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjf4SqlG1cxQAWkcevasrs4ClR62EZmUXYTccTJ60KSkaQ_HByF4kjj8yfW9jM6kyW-fGHN0PEuPMEKd2-EhLnQ7bRRpelm_b3O8vNZIMl1RDEYaZOeQJhekQ0vnearFYDT29qsSAXqXRBIVvvjYS4anfisx-qIN6VZXFyd-02aZRlRqInXuWLh3HOojw=w166-h200" width="166" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /><o:p></o:p></span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiH8pwR4kX4hkPq2UFyM9XvuG0stBeYqc5c_lj0Uj-mWoMIh2cw1Afo5tkFmrpxH6lR5k14oYBxjRzOXm1VeVsCirwRTnvwJ15otvBqSGqACiOW94AG_1rTmZjeHmgv5fy9hLQm3Pd7HQw33hXE8koz5fWVODzEMsaqF2GNpDnhx04aMBUr0v3eIcNwUA=s3072" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3072" data-original-width="3072" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiH8pwR4kX4hkPq2UFyM9XvuG0stBeYqc5c_lj0Uj-mWoMIh2cw1Afo5tkFmrpxH6lR5k14oYBxjRzOXm1VeVsCirwRTnvwJ15otvBqSGqACiOW94AG_1rTmZjeHmgv5fy9hLQm3Pd7HQw33hXE8koz5fWVODzEMsaqF2GNpDnhx04aMBUr0v3eIcNwUA=w174-h174" width="174" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tall teen arms and legs flailing<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Loving life<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Guitar playing<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">music blaring</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Endless stories<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Living life to the fullest<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Then there was silence</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I used to feel the warmth and glow<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I used to embrace this time<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I used to have plans and joy<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">A piece of me is missing<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Smiling through sadness<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thinking of those left behind<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Going through the motions<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Hollow emptiness inside<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">My life went away one fateful day<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I sigh in resignation<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">As I ponder upon the fate of<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">the boy who was my son, Damien</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif"><o:p style="font-size: 11pt;"></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0in; text-align: center; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg1QO7w7zqvmtvRFOFvjGc-coeSRM6Zx_njig4OzvogfwB2U_h5s5Ieaok1h27pxLMvPBsGr9LIpk7aBWeSVzN4UEgwWDVuY0NpNPSfCIElscPCWBSCzfQ-9IgO6U5lpyjjK_nFuDdqhkhErXNmAL0egpt5j0F3H-lhIz-M3EZT_PSSq6dzRgqxfnzh8A=s632" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="632" data-original-width="452" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg1QO7w7zqvmtvRFOFvjGc-coeSRM6Zx_njig4OzvogfwB2U_h5s5Ieaok1h27pxLMvPBsGr9LIpk7aBWeSVzN4UEgwWDVuY0NpNPSfCIElscPCWBSCzfQ-9IgO6U5lpyjjK_nFuDdqhkhErXNmAL0egpt5j0F3H-lhIz-M3EZT_PSSq6dzRgqxfnzh8A=w143-h200" width="143" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgMfJ_4ECPUDvU-t8_apm1DftuBe-f4sqkt765Ut8sQJ9o485RfBAnnr56fx_IDOcLTlTUBpMH6TIDIvzoUJV7gR--RK9FdNBU4uCrNl0UsTk0u0VQC0qc3KhvMiYiLUruLAWDByD74ZDyV9G6JMebdxNY7d8wjSYEV-IoxdrNt9u4qbP0qRkDsPGJWQw=s4032" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgMfJ_4ECPUDvU-t8_apm1DftuBe-f4sqkt765Ut8sQJ9o485RfBAnnr56fx_IDOcLTlTUBpMH6TIDIvzoUJV7gR--RK9FdNBU4uCrNl0UsTk0u0VQC0qc3KhvMiYiLUruLAWDByD74ZDyV9G6JMebdxNY7d8wjSYEV-IoxdrNt9u4qbP0qRkDsPGJWQw=w150-h200" width="150" /></a></div><br />Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-84940462651946928262021-12-07T09:57:00.000-08:002021-12-07T09:57:01.400-08:00My Mind is Restless<div style="text-align: left;"> </div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">My mind is restless<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The simmering frustration and anger is always bubbling below
the surface.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I ever accept he is
dead and gone forever?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I felt he
slipped away into the sea maybe I could live with that but then the other rumor
and speculation takes precedence, it must.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We cannot discount those who come forward ardent with another theory of
murder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life has been one long roller
coaster since Damien Vanished.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">Thinking all day and my mind does somersaults.</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span><span style="text-align: left;">I need to write down the thoughts as they
roll by and make some sense of them.</span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></div><span style="text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDDFBD6H4Kg_OGv7RAIzKIDA0mSyEHgo5Oi9nW0k2xGwD_GUZ3FxtnLzc_-GeOx4RNWal-T1pz8vmdPYTTJ6VEuF5oD7rGvnlfJy-yly1gwBTVZWwgdL7dCAR0sdK9oKesecYEZuw0Ud8d/s3088/IMG_5410.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: justify;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDDFBD6H4Kg_OGv7RAIzKIDA0mSyEHgo5Oi9nW0k2xGwD_GUZ3FxtnLzc_-GeOx4RNWal-T1pz8vmdPYTTJ6VEuF5oD7rGvnlfJy-yly1gwBTVZWwgdL7dCAR0sdK9oKesecYEZuw0Ud8d/w126-h168/IMG_5410.HEIC" width="126" /></a><div style="text-align: justify;">Keep them somewhere so that I can go back and read them. The turmoil is very real and there is no
peace. There is no hope. It is a false hope. That tiny feeling of a
glimmer of hope is significant enough to keep me on this road. But I don’t believe I will get my boy
back. But it does happen for others, so
maybe for us. That is all the hope I have, and it is not much to hang my hat
on. </div></span></div><o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I walk this very lonely road alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others can leave it and return to it when
they feel they can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can step away but
it is always on my mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Niggling at my
brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What can I do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is there left
to hope for. Should I walk away? Can I do some good?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-24779982359941003992021-12-03T09:17:00.003-08:002021-12-03T09:17:40.358-08:00Lost Hopes & Dreams <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;"></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: left;"></p><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;"> I wrote a book about my struggles with the
case of my missing son, Damien Nettles. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;">I
felt it was necessary to write our journey into my own words. The emotional
turmoil of a child missing is beyond words. I can only express what
I have known. It goes without saying that anytime a family member mysteriously
goes missing, it is unbearable for the family left behind. There are
few resources for a family like mine; no guidance came from the police for us. We
were fortunate to stumble on the Charity, Missing People, who provided guidance and support. <br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIkyrJs7StrzLUOtLPRYq-nLJGOJcwFBlOQvxMofQ9bqmkBNn0iN3n8cPDJl_hQ4HVPPE-p0oNBNsGWDCP6n6bSxplz2vxQ9aPVu-lfXoc6fsG7EmCxdtgABK1cKvmcYkX4TXb3RpDc3ay/s1709/BDA2E20B-433F-40AC-935A-A35C9B5E0A17.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1709" data-original-width="1709" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIkyrJs7StrzLUOtLPRYq-nLJGOJcwFBlOQvxMofQ9bqmkBNn0iN3n8cPDJl_hQ4HVPPE-p0oNBNsGWDCP6n6bSxplz2vxQ9aPVu-lfXoc6fsG7EmCxdtgABK1cKvmcYkX4TXb3RpDc3ay/w200-h200/BDA2E20B-433F-40AC-935A-A35C9B5E0A17.jpg" width="200" /></a></div></div><span style="background: white; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 150%;">
Since that time I have been working with people who have come my way to make
improvements/change in how missing persons cases are handled. <br />
So much can go wrong in the initial stages of a missing episode. I
say episode as in some cases, especially missing from care and County Lines,
are revolving door cases which most of the time have some resolution until the
next episode. There are significant resources in place through
National Crime Agency with focus on the exploitation of young and vulnerable
people.<br />
<o:p> <br />
</o:p>My focus is on the unexplained/out of character incidents especially
young males who are NOT marginalized/criminalized in society but who are
missing for other reasons i.e. unplanned or out of character and missing on a
night out. All too common yet often not given appropriate risk
assessment by police who stereotype young men as boys being boys or just
another teen runaway. Quick assumptions, in some cases, that
missing young people fit one profile, delays in thorough
searches. <br />
The most important thing the police need to do, and is very simple, listen to
the concerns of the family who know that person better than
anyone. Act upon it, immediately! <br />
In our case, we suffered from a feeling of helpless sadness and
desperation, not being heard. We could not comprehend the scope of what was
happening. We were in a state of shock. There needs to be
understanding of the dynamics of the situation that has befallen the family
left behind to cope. When someone goes missing, knowingly or
unknowingly, they take several lives with them which will forever be damaged.
In some cases, destroyed. Lives veering onto a new dark
path. Unfulfilled hopes and dreams. Lost opportunities. Missed
happiness. Deep sadness, anxiety, and depression. Broken
relationships. The list goes on. My experience spans
25 years at the time of writing this. There appears to be
increased awareness/willingness by authorities to look closer at such cases,
but mistakes, often fatal are still made. Especially in the case young males
who are often stereotyped as out on the town, lads being lads. Change is very slow.<br /></span><o:p></o:p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-444075873514412282021-12-03T09:13:00.000-08:002021-12-03T09:13:29.043-08:00Ways of coping <p><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> <span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">You visit my thoughts every day.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">Sometimes in my dreams I see you smiling and for a moment I believe your safe with us again.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">With the</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">cruel light of day the vision & happiness it brought to my weary</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">heart, fades away and the cold reality washes over me.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">Your gone.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">It’s been a long time.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">In my heart you live forever 16.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;">My hope is one day, in any way we can, we will find you and bring you home. Always and forever in my heart.</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5eW6-J2HwQFkWZvdZRyyC8NUL9AiNygONtdSWq5Rc1YDNVxiN02GRfdCpOmXw7Rq4Y4unALemrdrnZorkbNVmBm6Uhils3wJYsSUOjvLzDmZEpf1UWHMQU6ek-uiMqhIywKIc9Tkfwuj/s640/28F86510-8FD0-4465-96E0-7B0D26A5A176.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="640" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5eW6-J2HwQFkWZvdZRyyC8NUL9AiNygONtdSWq5Rc1YDNVxiN02GRfdCpOmXw7Rq4Y4unALemrdrnZorkbNVmBm6Uhils3wJYsSUOjvLzDmZEpf1UWHMQU6ek-uiMqhIywKIc9Tkfwuj/w200-h200/28F86510-8FD0-4465-96E0-7B0D26A5A176.jpg" width="200" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><o:p> </o:p><span style="font-size: 11pt;">One way of coping that has helped me immensely is writing. It has been an outlet for my thoughts. Sometimes it’s difficult to explain to someone who is not going through this experience of a missing loved one how it feels, the personal struggle. So pen to paper (or thumbs to texting) I spoke out loud on paper my inner feelings. Although my family and friends are also working their way through it, sometimes they can’t carry you as well as themselves. So this outlet for me has been cathartic. Another benefit being that I have a record. Some people do journal and I suppose this is what I do without realizing it’s value later to help pinpoint events to refer back to. So it has been useful. </span><span style="font-size: 11pt;">I also have kept just about every email/text thread spanning the time we have been in this situation. So keeping those is wise in case they are needed at some point to refer back to. </span></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin: 0in; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-900860363575170222021-12-03T09:08:00.000-08:002021-12-03T09:08:02.442-08:00Who can you trust<p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Cover up? Who do you trust?<br /></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My
personal thoughts are as follows. They are my thoughts which span 25 years of questioning how my 16 year old son could vanish off the face of the
earth.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When
Damien went missing we reported his disappearance to the police, because that’s
what you do, right? We felt very hopeful that we would get support and a
result once they were on the job. But it does not work like that.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">First,
we as a family were scrutinized, but we didn’t realize at the
time. We did wonder why they were spending a lot of time
interviewing us and our kids and why they were not out
searching. But, being ignorant of any police procedure we thought
this was leading somewhere and that surely, while we were being scrutinized,
surely they were also out searching? Erm, no! So we lost
valuable time. It was at the suggestion of a dear friend that we
should forget the bastards (her words) and get out and look ourselves.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That
was the best advice I got and I am glad I followed it because, if I hadn’t, we
would never have uncovered Damien’s movements that night. Nothing
would have been done by the police. We knocked on doors and we found
people who remembered seeing him and we discovered the video in a chip shop
showing him talking to a group of army guys who were visiting the
Island. We made a fuss, asked questions and we were treated like a
nuisance by police who obviously did not like the questions we
asked. They did not want to look for him and said he had gone
off. One even told me he was old enough to do what he
wanted. Damien was 16. The police said they thought he
was 19. Big mistake on their part.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This set the rot into the case, day one. Blaming Damien for being a young boy, because boys do this. Accusing him of being a runaway and a timewaster and not a priority.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Mistakes
just kept coming like the loss of evidence. The CCTV of the High
Street showing Damien walking along mysteriously disappeared. They
blew that off like it did not matter at all. Justified it by saying
there was nothing of importance on that CCTV. Not true - my sons last movements were on that CCTV.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Could there be something that would have implicated either the police
themselves or someone closely related to the police? As anyone on
the Isle of Wight knows, everyone is connected. So what was there to
hide. The more I find out about connections between parties of
interest, the more I am suspicious and start to </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">believe</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> the locals who say there was a cover up.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzQSkq7D3te7dV8fsqL8Pm_KbdWmw5KKiSqaurQAPVpjRM1AjYzXpZyvk5x2MD-RXMMWXin0oNXfnO4pWlOEA' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br /><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><br /></span><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>The
army men on the chip shop video were not identified for 14 years, despite
promises that they would be looked for, nothing was done for 14 years. </b></span><p></p>
<p></p><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>No
search was done of any scale until 14 years later.</b></span></li></ul><p></p><p></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>No
arrests were made until 14 years later.</b></span></li></ul><p></p><p></p></blockquote></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0 0 0 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: left;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><b>All
too late! </b></span></li></ul><p></p><p></p></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote></blockquote><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%; margin-bottom: 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv7SFmw_ppLdfF26XtcRunMW_WolPZ2hVhlu546jh5PUzG-6bHILwFD6J3kSdNwFfb6IFpl7zjaTsUHRDudjBCxOQIaghA5IIJCn1-eDqGvwXHDC-qnd_o4rrsYpvu1rqe6xdYRW_2Vf0C/s960/IMG_3130.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="960" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgv7SFmw_ppLdfF26XtcRunMW_WolPZ2hVhlu546jh5PUzG-6bHILwFD6J3kSdNwFfb6IFpl7zjaTsUHRDudjBCxOQIaghA5IIJCn1-eDqGvwXHDC-qnd_o4rrsYpvu1rqe6xdYRW_2Vf0C/w320-h213/IMG_3130.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
have been given a location where Damien may be buried, but the police refuse to
look – why? Cost, manpower and if Damien was found it would not be looking good for them.<o:p></o:p><div style="text-align: right;"><img border="0" data-original-height="659" data-original-width="1128" height="117" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbDdm1xJyaS8Q9OJY-VHU6nDz5ssrGbX7zkQoS7pqEyHBjpu_FTcNzhOj1N9zicyTjDtxfO0SDThsOMe4sBdbpDG-UnHNXyeqwKZZL_Z_o8IZ1iXWvlgBqfmRvMX4YiDNy_PjEsHcbffsK/w200-h117/Winding+Way+Gurnard+IW.jpg" width="200" /></div></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><b style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;">I
believe that when Damien is found his remains will tell all and that day is
coming. </b><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.5pt;"> </span></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><o:p> <br /></o:p></span></p><br /><p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-69514526298258025612021-12-03T03:54:00.008-08:002022-07-14T12:23:59.658-07:00Relentless Pace<p></p><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;">The search for a loved one is relentless and there is no official
handbook that explains the process when</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;"> someone goes missing. We need
direction. Do not be scared to offer us help and suggestions that are
constructive and clear. Show us the way forward, we are frozen in time. </span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;">There have been few articles written about what a family does, or what an organization
does, but fail to address the important relationship between families and police. Terminology usage is sometimes very formal and a bit ambiguous. The pace of progress can be frustrating. These are little things families need to be aware of so they don’t feel it’s just them. It’s common.</span></div><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What are the policies and procedures or lack thereof? What should we expect
in reality - not what is written in their own handbook?</span></div><div style="text-align: left;">To be ready
to take up the search yourself when they are too busy with solvable crimes.</div></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;">Missing Persons enquiries often fall beside the wayside. Cases may not always be risk assessed correctly. Valuable details and time lost can never be
recovered. Police have dozens of runaways or county lines and
dementia cases and it is easy to make simple assumptions about all cases. Police are over burdened and understaffed. Dedicated missing persons teams are needed in every force. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "Calisto MT", serif;">It is imperative a family is listened to. It
takes tenacity and a willingness to challenge authority of the police and it is
exhausting. It often leads to a breakdown of communication to a
level that is just unacceptable, but these cases are not a
priority.</span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI70PmtwAuMUYNTLorGLmkHTklTptShFytQTo1AqpPZmpMtiVBCbSUhNsjCCyw8CpRf363EGQKGJhtWkkLsPVQ-wAy9ANL16TmCiCNmOeuB8XqbyLw1abU4YUcZHhgPiqjsC9AtsIceRdT/s359/Damien.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" data-original-height="359" data-original-width="275" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI70PmtwAuMUYNTLorGLmkHTklTptShFytQTo1AqpPZmpMtiVBCbSUhNsjCCyw8CpRf363EGQKGJhtWkkLsPVQ-wAy9ANL16TmCiCNmOeuB8XqbyLw1abU4YUcZHhgPiqjsC9AtsIceRdT/w153-h200/Damien.jpg" width="153" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;"></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Long term missing are a category that seems to be immersed into statistics with cases which are more clear in the intentions of the missing person either repeat runaways and missing from care. These are a huge issue but very much in another category. Yet the unsolvable long term missing cases which are out of character are the forgotten cases. No real statistics. No easy answers. No back story and no trail to follow. Shelved too soon. <o:p></o:p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have learned to take each day at a time. It is okay when mentally and
physically exhausted, you must let go, step back and allow your brain to
decompress.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Calisto MT",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am pleased to be on another think tank to support <a href="https://charliehedgesadvisory.com/author/charliehedges/" target="_blank">Charlie Hedges</a> in a proposed handbook that will be helpful to families entering into this experience. </span></p><br /><p></p></div>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-77676097790322345822021-12-02T16:25:00.000-08:002021-12-02T16:25:04.884-08:00Waiting for the Light<div style="text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8g3Sx-MSZfgq1IX57SQSYz7fyyp360SF9tgexuKhhuEcJRzIu1A23_9kKlR-5iSsewEYIIdCoPpDLeffZVr8M21w1cxf7zX38lC97z5ry_eIr7_2rFyOHydOJcUZjQli7Ya7y7N6q3Muc/s2048/IMG_7055.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8g3Sx-MSZfgq1IX57SQSYz7fyyp360SF9tgexuKhhuEcJRzIu1A23_9kKlR-5iSsewEYIIdCoPpDLeffZVr8M21w1cxf7zX38lC97z5ry_eIr7_2rFyOHydOJcUZjQli7Ya7y7N6q3Muc/w320-h320/IMG_7055.JPG" width="320" /></a></div> <br />Christmas is looming</div><div style="text-align: left;">I wrestle in my soul</div><div style="text-align: left;">Comparing a life which was whole<br />To this fractured remnant of hope</div><div style="text-align: left;">If sweet Damien was here<br />What would he say or want?</div><div style="text-align: left;">He would say life took a turn</div><div style="text-align: left;">It wasn't in the plan<br />He would tell us he loves us<br />To live for the moment</div><div style="text-align: left;">Not how it once was</div><div style="text-align: left;">Nothing is certain<br />Make the best of sad times<br />Have faith<br />One day it will come right<br />Maybe not as we hoped or expected<br />Our paths to take<br />Nothing is guaranteed<br />We are visitors to this life<br />We think we have control</div><div style="text-align: left;">But, in truth<br />There is only fate<br />Accept for now what you cannot alter<br />Be still, be calm</div><div style="text-align: left;">Waiting for the light</div><div style="text-align: left;">by Valerie Nettles</div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p class="MsoNormal"></p></blockquote><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px; text-align: left;"><p></p></blockquote><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046298334891454298.post-89615395445272306972021-11-20T10:18:00.001-08:002021-11-20T10:18:46.969-08:00Shadows in time<p style="margin: 0in; text-align: left; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red; font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;">Furrowed brow</span></div><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: red;">Hearing</span></div><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Whispers in the wind</div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Chasing autumn leaves </div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Floating in the air</div><div style="text-align: center;">Fingertips reaching to touch</div></span></span><span style="font-family: Shadows Into Light; font-size: large;"><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Ethereal, drifting, fleeting </div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Wisps of lingering memories</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-T5geHITH0yigU-wDuOMevS3ugW6-2pbufCX4Yv356sfyfxgKDnwOETNHOLiS4iLnQ7UzUo0P0lP7O5DeT8RsODhzFJ94fF-OF9_sO8lC3AIxYUowV6XBWQWedzKK0I_lcnRM3kK23u5W/s370/IMG_6815.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="370" data-original-width="370" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-T5geHITH0yigU-wDuOMevS3ugW6-2pbufCX4Yv356sfyfxgKDnwOETNHOLiS4iLnQ7UzUo0P0lP7O5DeT8RsODhzFJ94fF-OF9_sO8lC3AIxYUowV6XBWQWedzKK0I_lcnRM3kK23u5W/w171-h171/IMG_6815.JPG" width="171" /></a></div><br /></div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Echos of silence </div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Embracing spaces</div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Where once you breathed</div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Memories slipping away</div></span><span style="color: red;"><div style="text-align: center;">Nowhere to be found</div><div style="text-align: center;">by Valerie Nettles</div></span></span><p></p><p></p>Valerie Nettleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01659303268281178627noreply@blogger.com0